“Denny, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t k-know, I… uh…,” he wheezed. “In the park, near house. Please.”
“Okay, okay, give me fifteen, I was just getting coffee. Do I call—?”
“No Jo. No.”
He ended the call, trying his best to remember how to breathe. A panic attack? But for what? He had no idea why his body was doing something so ridiculous. He felt pain in his chest, but the odds of him having a random heart attack was so slim the idea didn’t enter his mind properly before he’d already pushed it aside.
Some time passed, and then running steps approached and Sammie was there.
“Come on, Denny, breathe for me.” She touched him firmly and gently, brushing her hand over his back and murmuring encouraging words about how he should accomplish this breathing thing.
He felt light-headed, then a bit better, and sometime later the chest pain subsided and he gasped in a deeper, better breath.
“Oh God….” He straightened his back, then leaned back into her for a hug. He felt vulnerable in a way he hadn’t been in a long time.
“What brought this on?” she asked.
It took him fifteen minutes to tell a two-minute story, but by the time he was done, he felt better.
“Hun, I think your brain jumped into some pretty fucked up and weird conclusions. From my point of view, Josiah thought he was giving you an out if you needed it. Coming out publicly changes things more than you’ll know until you’ve experienced it firsthand. It might go by easily, might be that nobody bats an eye, but there might also be backlash.”
He nodded as he leaned away from her and wiped his cheeks that were a little bit wet from tears he hadn’t registered before. “I know. The last bit. I just… I guess my brain thought he was telling me he didn’t….”
“Didn’t care about you enough to fight with you to keep this?” Sammie smiled slightly. “I love the fact that you think it’s your brain that’s fucked up, when someone else might’ve said your heart thought so.”
“No, I know my heart and it belongs to him. My heart’s fine.” Denny smiled back at her.
“Well, I guess we should go tell him that.” She got to her feet and held out a hand. “Come on. I bet he’s worried.”
“How long was I….” He glanced around instead of checking his phone as if that helped determining a time.
“Forty-five minutes total, give or take. He hasn’t called you because he thinks he’s fucked up and wants to give you time.”
She knew them well enough that her words were a statement. As was the next bit. “Look, now that you’ve started your life together, I don’t see much messing you up. Just… communicate. Don’t jump into conclusions. Jo can say things that sound wrong and you’re too nice for your own good.”
Sighing, Denny walked with her back to the house and she rolled her eyes when they saw Josiah sitting on the couch, looking like he wanted to wring his hands.
“I’ll be upstairs.”
Denny went to sit on the couch next to Josiah. “Come here,” he said, holding his arm up.
The second of hesitation almost broke him again, but then Jo dove into his embrace.
“I’m sorry, I’m really, really sorry I didn’t think about what I was saying. I didn’t mean it like that, you got to know that, right?” Josiah murmured into his shoulder.
“Yeah, I know it now. I just couldn’t… it was too much and my body went into fight or flight. I don’t know why exactly, but Sammie had some thoughts.”
Jo nodded and gradually relaxed with Denny.
“We need to communicate better when it comes to this stuff,” Denny said after a while. “I mean, I’ve seen what you’ve gone through and what other LGBTQ people have, it’s not…. Like I get it’ll be different to actually experience it, right? But I’m not going into this blind.”
“I know. I do. I just… I guess I don’t want anyone to hurt you.”
“Aww…,” Denny cooed and kissed Josiah’s temple. “Thank you. And ditto.”
“We could ask Sammie what she thinks about the draft? It’s going to her too when it’s ready, right? So a recipient’s point of view.”
“That’s actually a really good idea. Let’s get some lunch and brainstorm this.”
