“I….” Josiah shook his head, maybe trying to clear it. “I don’t know what to think, to say….”
“And you don’t have to. This isn’t about you.” Denny leaned forward in his seat. “Look, I know it might seem that way, and sure, it definitely speeded things up. There are so many variables about this whole thing that if you changed one, I would’ve maybe never found out or at least not now. Like say I was still married? Or maybe I had a different therapist?”
Josiah’s shoulders lowered a little as he relaxed. “Yeah, I guess. Okay.” He looked away and frowned. “Where do you want to go from here?”
“I don’t know. I just… I don’t want to hurt you any more than I have without knowing.”
Jo’s lips twitched. “Yeah. I know that, Denny. That’s not you.”
“No, but I can still feel bad about the past pain.”
“Of course. But… this is and has always been whatever, you know? There’s nothing we can do about feelings. There’s no way to decide who we do and don’t fall in love with.”
There was a fundamental kind of truth in those words, so Denny sat there quietly for a moment. Then he sighed.
“Can we be friends again?” he found himself asking in a small voice.
Josiah rose from his chair just as Denny pushed himself up, and they met halfway around the desk, hugging each other tightly.
“I’m sorry!” They said it at the same time, and then laughed and ended up clutching at each another, crying a little.
Once they let go, they returned to their seats. “I have another therapy session on Friday and I think I’ll start seeing Dr. Jarvis regularly at least once a week for now. I need to figure myself out. There’s the whole sexuality thing that bothers me now, the idea that I’ve been oblivious to that part of my brain, but also my marriages and Dave and… everything.”
Josiah nodded. “Sounds like a good idea to me.”
“And then… then once I’ve sorted myself out,” Denny started, then stopped and tried not to seem nervous. He made eye contact and asked, “Would you maybe consider going out on a date with me, if we both still feel like doing it then?”
Josiah looked like a fish out of water for a moment, then he cleared his throat. “I… uh… maybe? I mean, if we both feel like doing it then… sure? I guess?”
“It’ll be super weird, probably, but it could also be good.” He knew he made it sound like a question, but he couldn’t help it.
“Yeah, maybe….”
“But only if we both feel like it. You deserve more than being a rebound.”
“You too,” Josiah said, grinning, and Denny realized they were both newly single.
Denny smiled. “Okay, it’s a deal, then.”
“Should we go listen to some music now?”
“Yes, please,” Denny said in an exhale, making them both laugh.
Things were far from fixed, but this, too, was a start. And everyone and everything had to start somewhere.
