Mark was about to move into the space, but then he realized two things. He’d made a mess of Francis’s sweats with his come and Francis was still hard.
“Uh….” He didn’t know what to say or do, but he wanted to do something about it. Francis had given him everything, but now he sat there with an erection. Wasn’t it Mark’s job to do something?
“No, grab the bottle of water and sit down. I can wait a bit.”
Deciding to trust Francis’s words, Mark took his bottle and then awkwardly sat in between Francis’s thighs. To his surprise, Francis maneuvered him so he was on his side, and then pulled his fleece blanket off the top of the couch and covered him with it.
“There we go,” Francis murmured, holding him close and kissing his forehead.
Mark… felt weird. He felt like a sick kid? Not that he’d ever been in this situation as a child. Well, maybe in his very early years, but he certainly couldn’t remember being cuddled and comforted while he was ill.
“Come back,” Francis said in a gentle voice.
“Huh?”
“You started to tense and we don’t want that tonight.”
Mark looked at him, wondering how the hell they’d gotten here. “Thank you,” he said, without thinking about it too much.
The crow’s feet around Francis’s eyes deepened with his smile. “You’re welcome, darling.”
Mark blushed. “I like it when you call me all those things,” he admitted, ducking his head as he opened his water bottle and then drained half of it in one go. Why was he so thirsty suddenly?
“I know.” Francis’s tone was a bit teasing, which made Mark blush even more. “Seriously, though, I’m glad. I know there are words I can’t call you, so I’d rather replace them completely and even overdo it because I don’t want to slip up.”
Mark nodded. He clutched the water bottle against his stomach and curled up under his blanket. He listened to Francis’s heart beat under his ear. He chose to not think about what words Francis meant, because he knew them too well. They had never been used in good context in his life.
He floated for a while, gently this time, not like he had before when he’d felt like he’d float out of the house through the ceiling. He felt…. “I feel soft. Young.”
“Ah….” Francis carded his fingers through Mark’s hair as much as he could and held him close. “I think that’s normal. I think this kind of headspace gives us what we need.”
They sat like that for what felt for a very long time. Francis went soft again, and Mark tried to not think about it as a failure on his part. He trusted Francis to know what they both wanted and needed for the time being.
Eventually, Mark felt like moving again. When he did, Francis smiled at him.
“What would you like to do for the rest of the evening?” Francis asked, making sure Mark got to his feet okay.
Being halfway back to his regular mindset, Mark felt weird about being hovered over like that, but it still felt nice so he didn’t pull away from the supporting hand under his elbow.
“I don’t know. Something to eat? Another shower? And I’d like to get you off, if that’s something you want. It’s… I feel weird about leaving you without and with the last time….” He looked away, the shame still washing over him.
“Ah, well, that all sounds like a plan to me. How about we go find the rest of the pizzas and eat here. And let’s pretend I have clean sweatpants on while we eat?” Again with the teasing tone that made Mark feel pleased and flushed at the same time.
“Yeah, yeah….” He made a show of grumbling and smiled. He’d never felt as safe around anyone before. Not while being so intimate as well.
As they sat on the couch with their plates and drinks a while later, Mark said, “It’s so weird that before you I’d hooked up with like handful of guys and… I don’t know. I knew their bodies, their dicks and asses better than I knew anything else about them. Like… I don’t remember anyone’s name, didn’t exchange names at all most of the time. How is that…?” He didn’t even have words right then.
Francis finished the bite he was eating and sipped his water. “Part of it is gay culture. Anonymous hookups have been a thing as long as there have been men who want other men sexually. But for you, being as deeply closeted as you are with the traumas you have experienced… I don’t think it’s weird or bad or anything. We deal with things in different ways. All of us. Whether gay or straight, male or female, anything in between those categories.”
Mark hummed. It made sense. He’d done the bare minimum he could to survive. To take the edge off when there was no way he wanted to hurt a woman by getting intimacy from someone he wouldn’t be interested in long-term, or hell, even sexually interested in. He could’ve faked it,haddone in the past. It just didn’t feel like the right thing to do when he was in a town he wanted to call home and everyone knew everyone else.
They ended up showering together, even though Mark felt a bit awkward about what he’d done in the bathroom before. He knew it was part of his sex life now, that for some things, he needed to be clean inside and out. It was just so… personal.
He’d also read things in the last week or so. He’d gone online and researched a bit. When they were toweling off in the bathroom, he blurted out, “I don’t want to use enemas in play, ever.”
Francis froze, then peered at him seriously. “Okay. That’s not something I’m interested in, either, so we can agree to never do it unless you end up wanting to down the line. Then, you tell me and then we have a discussion about it and see where I am with it at that time.”
Mark nodded and put his towel up to dry over the bathroom door. “Okay.”
