If I needed a friendly shrink house call right now, would you be up for that?
He couldn’t ask any more directly. He couldn’t express what he was feeling, but he knew better than to try being alone. She’d at least call if she couldn’t come by.
A text came through. Scale of one to ten, how bad is it?
Without hesitation, he replied,8 right now, not getting better.
Give me twenty. Make yourself a warm drink and sit down.
The relief he felt was instant and wrapped around him like a blanket.
He took in a deep breath and composed a message to Francis.Evy is coming over. Don’t worry about me.
He knew better than to think Francis would be able to concentrate on himself. He’d think about Mark when it wasn’t his fault things had gone wrong.
Mark got up and off the couch and went to make himself a mug of tea. Then he made sure there was enough water in the electric kettle for Evy, and left the green tea bags on the counter.
He made sure his door was unlocked and went to sit on the couch. He felt chilly, and knew that this was why she’d told him to get a hot drink.
Mark stared at the now dark TV screen. The tea was too hot so he blew into it intermittently, while letting the thick ceramic warm his hands.
He heard Evy’s car and then she knocked on the door, before opening it. He appreciated her no-nonsense way of acting in an emergency, if this counted as one.
She took one look at him, kicked off her shoes and left her jacket on the coat rack, then went into the kitchen. She’d never been inside the house, but that didn’t matter. She behaved as if she had been there before and that she was in control of the situation, which was all that mattered
She came to sit on the other end of the couch and put her mug on the table. Then she pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and wrapped it around Mark’s shoulders.
“Now, in your own time, tell me what’s going on,” she said in a gentle voice and picked up her mug again, then sat back on the couch with her legs folded under her.
Mark sipped his drink and thought about where to start. He wasn’t sure how much detail he wanted to give, or how much she needed, so he started with the main thing.
“I called Francis a slur.” He swallowed hard and added, “During sex. And I didn’t stop when he told me to.”
Evy’s brows drew together a bit. “Did you do any of it on purpose?”
Mark jerked back and nearly sloshed tea on himself. “What? No!”
“I thought so. Tell me more?”
He drank a bit first, then found more words from somewhere. “Heat of the moment. I was… I was topping. I… I didn’t even hear what either of us was saying.”
“All right. And obviously he left after and you called me.”
“Yes. He told me to contact you. To n-not have this become a poison,” Mark stuttered, hating how weak he felt.
“He’s right. I’ll always come if you call me if I’m in any way able to, Mark.” She leaned back and moved her legs, tucking her feet under his thigh. “That wasn’t all though, was it? If it was just a slip of the tongue it wouldn’t be as bad. What has you so upset?”
“He said he’s gone through the same thing before and… and he implied it was while some guy was…,” Mark said haltingly and closed his eyes to get the last of it out. “He was raped. I triggered the memories for him with what I did.”
Evy nodded. “But he knows you didn’t do it on purpose, he isn’t mad at you, Mark. That’s the thing that you need to concentrate on when it comes to Francis in this situation. What he’s going through tonight is something he’s prepared to deal with.” She drank her tea quietly for a while. “Why do you think you said what you did?”
That was easy. “Because taking it up the ass is what faggots do,” he said automatically, without inflection, knowing that the words didn’t belong to him.
“Have you bottomed?” she asked gently.
“No… I can’t… it’s not…,” Mark stopped talking, let out a frustrated growl that surprised him a bit. “Fuck! They’re fucking messing up my sex life from nearly two thousand miles away, Evy!”
“Yes. But more than that, they’re messing with your self-esteem, your happiness, and the romantic relationship you could have with Francis.” She leveled him a look that let him know a hard question was about to slap him in the face. “Why do you let them do it still?”
