Francis and Marcus had gotten through high school together and ended up going to the same college. Marcus wanted to make his parents proud, so he’d decided he’d become a doctor. Francis didn’t want that, but he wanted to take care of people too, so he went into social work and nursing.
While they were in college, they met a boy from Wisconsin called Padraig Donovan. Marcus took one look at skinny, tall, blue-eyed Padraig, and Francis knew that it was over. He’d never have Marcus’s heart, not like Padraig did from the first moment.
Padraig was studying to be a veterinarian, and even Francis knew that he was a good guy. He’d grown up in an Irish-Catholic family somewhere in the middle-of-nowhere Wisconsin, and he and Marcus had bonded over that, especially after they all collectively came out to one another.
Marcus and Padraig were a match made in heaven, it seemed. They were so perfect together, it made Francis a bit sick sometimes. He couldn’t blame his friends for clinging to each other when there was still so little information on HIV and AIDS around. The disease made Marcus and Padraig become monogamous, and Francis knew it was out of fear at first and then, later, out of love.
Francis didn’t have such qualms. He always used condoms when he had sex with someone, no matter what kind of sex it was, and he knew he was safe because he got tested every month just in case.
Whatever happened in the world in the years to come, Marcus and Padraig were Francis’s one constant. They lost parents—Francis’s dad and Padraig’s mom, and eventually both Marcus’s parents—but they were still one another’s’ family.
They were all practicing their respective professions in New Jersey in their early thirties. Francis knew the others were going to make a move before they told him. Marcus was so very tired of being around so many people all the time. He wasn’t a hermit, he’d just had his energy zapped, first by working in a busy hospital, and second by life never being quiet and calm around him.
Padraig had suggested they’d move to Wisconsin, since his sister had started to make noises about their dad getting older and needing more family around. Padraig and Marcus had a commitment ceremony the year they all turned thirty-two, and then moved to Acker, Wisconsin, where Padraig was from.
After that, Francis… well, he had other friends, of course. He visited the guys in Acker as much as he could. Holidays were still the time to hang out with his mom, but he went to Acker on vacations, and he liked it there.
Some part of Francis still wanted Marcus, even after all the years that had passed. He was hung up on his best friend.
And then, four years ago, Marcus had dropped dead in the middle of a workday at the clinic he had in Acker.
* * * *
Sighing, Francis steered the car into the parking lot of a motel he always stayed at in Toledo. He could probably drive through to Acker tomorrow if he didn’t get too tired. It would be another ten hours after today’s…. He looked at his watch. It was past ten in the evening. He’d driven for, like, nine hours, if not more, with just one break in Pittsburgh just to get gas for the car and takeout for himself.
He was too tired to think about anything, so as soon as he got into his room, he took a shower and then faceplanted on the bed, exactly like he’d hoped he would.
The next day, he woke around eleven, to his surprise. He felt a bit better mentally, though, so maybe it was worth it. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to drive to Acker that day, but it was okay, there were plenty of cities on the way he could pick in case he wanted to spend another night at a motel.
He got breakfast at a diner on his way out of Toledo, and then settled in for more driving.
Somewhere around Chicago, he figured he had a couple of hours left in him, so he might just drive as far as that took him and call it a night. He knew the route by heart, so he decided to go to Milwaukee instead of Madison, and maybe get a nicer hotel as a reward for the drive.
As usual, there was a shitload of traffic around Milwaukee, so he decided to continue north until he needed to eat, and by then he had reached Green Bay. He picked a hotel, signed in, and went to his room. It was nice enough, and since there was room service, he called in for food so he could go to sleep right after.
As he ate his steak and salad, he finally let himself think about Josh. He wondered when it had started to go bad. Had he given Josh the wrong signals, without noticing? Had he led the guy on until he’d snapped and decided to get revenge? After being in love with Marcus for most of his life, could he not understand the differences between different kinds of affection?
He pushed Josh away from his mind. There was no reason to dwell on it. After all, it would be more than a week until he’d have to meet the guy again.
Padraig, though… he should probably call Padraig. They had reconnected through a few phone calls in the last month or so, after years of silence from Padraig’s end. It had been messy after Marcus had died. Francis had done everything he could to make things easier for Padraig, but the man had pushed him away.
Francis didn’t blame him. He’d been a horrible mess as well, even more so after he’d felt like he lost Padraig as well as Marcus. He’d tried for about a year after Marcus’s passing, but then he’d stopped. Having Padraig call him out of the blue had been one of the best moments of his life
They’d talked briefly that first night. Padraig had apologized and explained that he had met someone new. Someone… different. Based on that call and the ones after, Padraig was getting his whole world view rocked by Kaos, the genderqueer tattoo artist.
Francis grinned at the thought. Who would’ve guessed that the ever-masculine and very strictly homosexual Padraig would be interested in someone like that? He hoped it wouldn’t cause much upheaval with Padraig’s opinion of himself. To Francis’s knowledge, he had never been attracted to anyone feminine before.
After finishing his dinner, Francis went to bed. He must’ve nodded off, because he woke with a jolt a while later, to a bang from the room adjacent to his.
“Holy shit.” He gasped, hand on his chest, trying to calm his breathing. It had been a door, he was sure of it, but the suddenness had woken him at…. He checked his phone for time. Only nine-thirty.
Well, damn.
He tried to go back to sleep, but since his body had woken so suddenly, it probably thought he was at work, napping on a break during a long shift.
Sighing, Francis got up and went to the bathroom. Might as well go out. He’d been to Green Bay years ago, and he remembered there being a decent enough bar nearby. He could find it if he asked at reception.
Luckily the receptionist knew what place he meant, and it was only a few blocks away. She still insisted on calling him a cab because it had started to snow and his shoes weren’t good for the weather, go figure.
