“Uh,” Mark grunted. He cleared his throat. “I’ve had just the beer.” He then let go of the glass of whiskey and pulled both of his hands to his lap.
“Good,” Francis said but this time in that lower register of his that made Mark’s insides do flips.
“You have your car at the front?”
“Yes, but I’ll leave it here. I don’t drive after wine. Even a glass.” Francis finished his drink and looked at Mark. “We good to go?”
Mark nodded, then slid out of the booth and grabbed his jacket from the seat next to him. He tried to put it on normally, instead of stumbling with the sleeves like a toddler, and followed Francis to the door.
Francis’s jacket was on the coat rack by the entrance, and he gracefully slid into it, then exited to the outside stairs. Mark followed him to his own car, then tried his best to hide the way his spine tingled with the urge to glance around to see if anyone was there to see him leave with a man.
He ignored it, barely, and got into the driver’s seat, happy to not have needed that ride after all.
They were both quiet during the short ride, and got out of the vehicle and rushed into Mark’s house in silence. It hadn’t felt oppressive, before Mark paid attention to it, and then he was suddenly nervous as fuck.
“Hey, I can feel your nerves from here,” Francis said as they got rid of their outerwear by the door. “It’s okay. Just like before, nothing happens you don’t want to happen.”
And wasn’tthatthe problem here?
There had to be something wrong about Mark to be this fucking excited about feeling so nervous and overwhelmed and all these other things that, if confronted one by one, would feel negative.
“Uh.” He meandered to the living room and sat on the couch, and Francis followed him, sitting on the other end.
“Normally, this might be the situation where there’s some necking and heavy petting and all those things, but with you….” Francis shrugged, but Mark could see that he had some unease lingering, and sadly, he knew why.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured.
“No.” Francis spoke the word with such finality, that Mark’s gaze snapped to Francis’s.
“But—”
“No. There’s nothing wrong about using your safeword, Mark.”
“But it wasn’t a scene anymore,” Mark tried to reason with him. He felt ashamed for having been so fucking scared of a little intimacy. Okay, maybe it would’ve been alotof intimacy, but still.
“That’s true, but did you have another way to end what was too much for you?” Francis asked, one corner of his mouth curling slightly.
Mark thought for a moment. “I suppose not?”
“You could’ve pushed me away physically, right? You’re certainly bigger and stronger. Instead, you chose to use your word, because you knew that I’d stop.” Francis sighed and dropped his gaze. “I have to apologize for running, though. It’s… that’s not how you do aftercare.”
Mark shook his head. “But it wasn’t a scene.” Then, because it was the truth and maybe Francis needed to head it, he added, “You have a right to protect yourself, too.”
Francis huffed. “You know, your not-therapy with Evy has paid off.”
“I guess so. It’s gotten a bit easier to think of… certain things,” Mark admitted. He felt oddly young and inexperienced around Francis. Not that he wasn’t younger and less experienced, but it felt so enhanced when they were having these talks.
“I’m glad to hear that.” He seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then asked, “Is kissing off the table still?”
Mark swallowed hard, licked his lips, and then gave Francis what he knew to be a helpless expression. “I don’t know.”
“Do you want to try?”
Mark nodded hesitantly, and Francis moved, closing the gap between them until they sat next to each other. Then he raised a hand to touch Mark’s face. Not cup his cheek or jaw like Mark had anticipated, but instead, Francis ran his fingers from the middle of Mark’s forehead, down his temple and his cheek, then slowly caressed his lips with his thumb.
Mark’s eyes fluttered shut, and he gasped for air. When had he even stopped breathing? When he opened his eyes again, Francis looked at him with gentle amusement, making him blush.
“That okay?” Francis whispered, leaning closer as he pulled his hand away, just to take hold of Mark’s neck. He rubbed the spot just behind Mark’s ear with his thumb and another fucking shiver ran down Mark’s spine.
