“Very simply put, yes. But because giving up like you did, did you feel… fuzzy?”
“Yeah, floaty, sort of. Like I was high but not.”
“Right. That’s endorphins and epinephrine and all the other good stuff in your body. Natural chemicals. It’s a release, like a high, and it’s supposed to feel really good. But the thing is, Mark, I think you didn’t feel good after you left, right?”
Mark snorted. “What makes you think that? Me running off like the building was on fire?”
“No, I get that. You were overwhelmed. But after? When you got wherever you were staying? Did you feel uneasy and shivery and just plain crappy?”
Mark narrowed his eyes and thought about how he’d felt that night. “Uh… yeah, I guess so. Why?”
“That was what’s called sub drop. All the good stuff flooded your brain and then it was depleted and you weren’t taken care of like you should have, and boom, you dropped.” Francis frowned, it seemed, at himself.
“But it wasn’t that kind of situation. It wasn’t a… a what did you call it?”
Francis nodded. “Scene? No, I wasn’t a scene per se, because neither of us knew it would go like that. I try not to blame myself, but still… you probably had enough to think about without feeling like crap after.”
“Okay. So that happened. And we’re here again,” Mark said. “Are you going to boss me around again?”
Francis smiled slowly. “If you want to, I’m game. But we need to agree on a safeword.”
“That’s like, what makes things stop, right?” Mark knew that much, at least.
“Yeah. How about the good old yellow and red?”
He made an educated guess. “Yellow to slow down, red to stop?”
“Very good, Deputy Forrest.” Francis smirked.
Mark rolled his eyes, but smiled. He knew that Francis was… safe. Francis would make him feel good. But…. “What’s in it for you?”
Francis gestured at him. “Look at yourself! I get a hot younger man at my mercy. You could probably disable me in ten seconds if you wanted to. You’re in your prime, Mark, and you’re sexy. Why wouldn’t I want to get off with you?”
Mark startled himself by laughing. “I guess there have been worse reasons to fuck someone.”
“Speaking of that, we need to talk limits.” Francis got serious again.
Something uncomfortable rolled through Mark’s gut. There were limits. There were things he didn’t do, or well, one big thing. He didn’t take it up the ass, because in some twisted way that was the last boundary. The last bit of denial he could cling onto as he jerked off to porn and came when the bottom made the face they always did.
“I don’t—” He stopped in order to not say it so crudely. “I won’t bottom. Like last time, that was fine. Just….” Why did he feel ashamed of this?
“Hey, it’s fine. Everyone has preferences, no matter what and why. I totally understand. Would you want to fuck me if given the chance?” Francis looked curious and almost gentle, with the same not wanting-to-startle-a-wild-animal expression from before. Mark still didn’t know what to think about that.
“Uh, yeah,” Mark said, the words sounding more like a “duh” than anything else.
“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.” Francis thought for a moment again. “So no penetration at all, or….?”
“I don’t know… like… maybe? Just not….” Mark blushed, feeling intensely awkward.Shit.
“Okay then! Traffic lights and check if I want to finger you, got it!” Francis grinned at him, and Mark knew that Francis still read him like an open book. Then again, he was also pretty sure that his eyes had glazed over for a second at the mention of fingering. “When you’re ready, get to your feet and take off your clothes for me,” Francis said in his lower voice.
The words made Mark’s skin pebble, and he stood. Everything felt so… important. He rounded the coffee table to reach the small open space by the fireplace. He pulled his shirt off and tossed it to where he’d been sitting, but when he pushed his thumbs under the waistband of his sweats, the echo of his father’s voice rang in his head. There weren’t any words, but the feeling of the vitriol the man spewed made him twitch.
“Hey, it’s just you and me here,” Francis murmured, as if knowing Mark’s struggle. “Nobody else. We’ll figure this out as we go, but you’re safe, and you have your traffic lights.”
Mark couldn’t look at Francis, so he nodded, took a deep breath, and let his pants drop. He had his boxer shorts on still, and Francis hummed as he saw them.
“Take them off, too.” When Mark hesitated for a few seconds, Francis asked, “Color?”
