“It’s not… dangerous. It’s not that kind of a problem,” Francis said carefully, knowing that Kaos had experienced domestic violence and was still sensitive to it. “I had a friend at work, an orderly called Josh. We were friends for almost a year. He’s bisexual and hinted really strongly about wanting me from the beginning, but I told him no. Long story short, he tried to make it into something more than it was, at… at an almost delusional level, really. And when I confronted him at work, he ran straight to our boss and told her I’d been sexually harassing him.”
“Holy shit, Francis….” Kaos looked appalled.
They talked about the options Francis might have going forward. Kaos suggested that if things didn’t work out in New Jersey, he could always move to Acker. He told Francis he would be welcome to stay at Padraig’s house as a roommate.
Francis felt… loved.
They ended up spending a few hours going through the shops in Woodruff and Minocqua.
They were having lunch at a café when Kaos suddenly asked, “Do you have any tattoos?”
Francis shook his head. “No. There hasn’t been good enough reason so far. Something needs to happen or an idea needs to form…. In healthcare, they’re still frowned upon a lot, sadly.”
“Yeah, I know a lot of my clients back in Missouri only wanted ones they could hide with their work clothing.” He took a sip of his soda. “I mean, almost with any profession.”
“I wish tattoos were considered art. I mean, not all tattoos are, but I’ve seen some incredible pieces. Your portfolio is pretty awesome, too.”
“Thanks,” Kaos murmured, ducked his head so that his blond hair flopped to hide his face, and concentrated on his chicken salad.
Two teenaged girls walked into the café, hand-in-hand. One of them had a pride flag badge on her backpack. Kaos noticed them too and smiled.
“I wish there’d been a chance to be that open and proud when I was their age,” Francis said quietly.
“Yeah. I feel like closets have layers,” Kaos stated.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, like some of it is the era you’re living in, right? Your time was different than mine. But then you can also go through it in other kind of stages. For example, I had to come out the second time with my gender identity.”
“True….” Francis thought about it for a while. “I think Padraig is going through that a bit, too. But it’s more like figuring out himself.”
“Oh yeah, I mean that’s just part of the layers too.Whoyou’re coming out to. Yourself, or your parent, best friend, or the world, right?”
Francis nodded. His mind went automatically to Mark, the guy he’d hooked up with in Green Bay.
“There’s also profession that adds to all that.” He pushed his empty plate away. “I mean, I couldn’t be out when I started in nursing, even though everyone assumed I was gay because I was a male nurse.”
“Mhmm. Gay tattoo artists are afraid to come out still. Every time there’s a queer artist on likeInk Masteror something, I cheer, even though they never get far.”
“Right. Then there’s law enforcement and military which are a whole other ballgame.”
“Oh yeah, Emil was telling me about that a while back. Like how his dad has heard stories of beat cops in cities who call for backup but nobody comes because they’re gay.”
“I’ve heard of that, too. Same can happen with soldiers. I can’t imagine that.” But maybe Mark could? Francis didn’t know where Mark worked, even if it was Wisconsin, the state was big, with a lot of remote areas. Being a sheriff’s deputy in a small town could be potentially dangerous
“What are you thinking?” Kaos looked at him curiously.
“Oh, nothing really.” Francis brushed it off and changed the subject. He wasn’t ready to talk about his weird encounter with Mark.
The guy had been such an enigma wrapped in mild aggression and a whole lot of fear. But the way he’d surrendered had touched something inside Francis. The fact that Mark, who was a cop, could give himself permission to let go with a total stranger…. Frankly, Francis didn’t think it could’ve happened with just anyone, and he felt conflicted about that. Proud and smug, sure, but also… sad.
* * * *
The drive back to Acker felt shorter, maybe because Kaos played music on his phone and they sang along to random songs and laughed at trying to harmonize. It turned out that harmonizing was tricky if there weren’t any harmonies in the song already.
Francis couldn’t remember the last time he’d had so much fun with someone—silly, unabashed, plain old fun.
When they got to Acker and he drove to Padraig’s clinic, there was a police cruiser in front of the building. Francis parked next to it, and Kaos, obviously worried, got out.
