Cal
Cal was afraid to face Derek. He’d accepted that fact after a while. The cat was relaxing and letting Cal be more conscious now, and he had some hope that it would let him out soon.
He realized he wanted to keep shifting back and forth again, like he once had. He wasn’t sure how… sustainable that idea would be, because he knew that the morphine was now gone from his system and the things he’d been hiding from would return into his mind as soon as he was in full control.
The cat had been a buffer. When Cal used morphine to keep the cat at bay, the cat was also a weird sort of barrier between the destructive thoughts about what had happened. Now that the cat was active again, Cal knew that once he shifted back, those memories and thoughts would be back, too.
He didn’t know if this was how all shifters’ brains worked, but it was his truth, and… yeah.
When Derek gave the cat, and Cal, his passionate speech that day in the kitchen, Cal felt scolded. By staying hidden, by not fighting more now that the cat was loosening the reins, he was failing his mate even more.
He just… wasn’t ready.
So he observed, he watched Derek with the others like he had thus far. Seeing his mate look happy and relaxed felt… it felt like everything good in the world. Well, except Kit. Seeing Kit happy, too, completed the circle for Cal.
It also cemented the fact that Cal needed to shift. But the cat didn’t let him.
It wasn’t ready. It knew what happened when it gave the man control. It would be pushed back, hazy and hurt, for a long, long time. So it wouldn’t let the man out, not yet. Not until the time was right.
The mate… the mate had scolded it as if it was a kitten. So it had gone closer, stayed night after night at the foot of the bed to make sure Mate was all right.
It wasn’t enough, but it was a compromise.
For now.
