“You know I’ve gone to a shrink because of everything that happened, right?” Rain asked in the same gentle voice.
“I know!” he snapped. “It just fucking makes no difference when these memories keep coming out of the blue and Iknowthey’re real when theyshouldbe nightmares!”
“Yeah, they should, brother mine, they should.” She took another hit from her joint and held her breath for longer than he thought necessary. Then she exhaled and chuckled darkly. “You know you need to go to therapy too, right?” Before he could object, she said, “No. You fucking listen to me, Leaf Oakley DeWitt. You listen to me now.”
That was the first time she’d ever used his full name, being all “mom” at him like that. They’d always loved each other as the siblings they were, but not once had she gone into parent mode.
“Okay?” he asked carefully, suitably cowed by the surprise.
“It wasn’t you who was diddled. It wasn’t you whose room they came in each night in that house. It was me and Cammie, and the others. You slept with the older boys in the other room. They never went to the boys’ room,” she said with conviction. “But it doesn’t matter now, does it? It’s in your head too, and I don’t think you can get it out of there on your own. None of us can.”
Leaf couldn’t avoid the snorting sound escaping him at that. “No. You’re right. They never came to the boys’ room at night. But who do you think the older boys learned from? Who do you think were the underdogs inside that room?”
Her horrified gasp made him feel like shit, and at the same time, it felt oddly vindictive and good. Yeah, she might have been right about him seeing a shrink, after all.
“No…,” she whispered.
“Why do you think Lake killed himself? Why do you think Sandy and Manny….” He swallowed hard and blinked a few times, trying to keep the tears at bay. It wasn’t safe to cry there, not while he was on the highway and when Seth wasn’t there to hold him.
“I thought it was… it washimor one of the other adults who did whatever made Lake do that,” Rain said quietly.
“Yeah. Well, it wasn’t any of the adults. And no, it didn’t happen to me much, but it still happened, Rain.”
“At least… at least we weren’t there for long?”
She needed validation now, and he made a noncommittal sound. It had felt like a long time for him.
“So, guess what?” he asked. “I think Seth met someone.”
She gasped dramatically. “No? Seth? No way!” There was a hint of glee in her voice, and it made Leaf smile.
“Rainbow Serenity, are you trying to tell me my man wouldn’t have that in him?” He chuckled.
“Well, let’s face it, bro, Seth has never been spontaneous, and neither of us is entirely sure if he would even becapableof that.”
Leaf nodded and grinned. “Yeah. I suppose you’re right. But in any case, his student’s brother. Sounds just like what Seth needs. Not that he realizes that. I can’t wait to meet this kid, though,” Leaf mused, reaching for his mug again.
“Wait, a kid? How old is a ‘kid’?”
“Half my age, apparently.”
She let out an awful squeal, and he frowned at the road in front of him.
“That’s so awesome. At least he’s, like… old enough to know life,” she mused once she calmed down.
“Yeah. But I’m still counting on both of them freaking out over this. I mean, Seth doesn’t get that he has a crush on this guy, and who the fuck knows if Dev is even gay and interested, you know?”
“As gorgeous as that man of yours is, he’s clueless sometimes. At least he’s okay with, you know….”
Leaf sighed. “Yeah, I know.”
“I mean, it’s one thing to be in a committed relationship with someone like us, but to get that we don’t actually see things like most people….”
“It’s been rough for you, hasn’t it?” he asked quietly.
“Yeah,” she admitted. “The latest one walked a few weeks back.”
“Do I need to go hurt anyone?” Leaf asked, only half-kidding.
