“Hey, I was just coming to get you,” Ben said.
Adrian had different colors of paint on his hands and some on his face, and there was a blob of blue on his beard. He looked drained, but smiled anyway. “I think I’m done,” he announced, and Ben felt as if there was new kind of weight behind the words.
“I’m ready to start dinner, so you have enough time to shower.” They stopped walking midway through the yard, and Ben pulled Adrian close. He could feel the tiredness radiating from his lover. “We’ll call it an early night today, I think,” he murmured against Adrian’s temple.
Adrian nodded and kissed him gently, then sighed contently and tugged him toward the house. “Let’s go before I collapse right here.”
To Ben’s surprise, once Adrian had cleaned up and had dinner, he perked up visibly. He insisted on doing the washing up while Ben took his own shower, so that they could settle down for the evening.
Again, when Ben moved past Adrian, he was given a kiss that seemed different than all the others they’d shared. There was a weird feel in the air, as if something had shifted without him noticing.
Since it seemed positive, Ben decided not to dwell on it and just figure out where it would lead. He showered efficiently, eager to get back to Adrian.
When he got out of the bathroom, Adrian sat on the bed, looking at him with an odd little smile on his lips.
“What?” Ben asked, glancing down at his bare chest to see if anything was wrong.
“I need to show you the painting tomorrow,” Adrian said. “It won’t be dry then, but….”
“Okay…?”
“It’s… I can’t explain how I feel. HowdifferentI feel.” There was a hint of frustration in his tone, and Ben watched, still clad in just the towel around his hips, as Adrian struggled to find his words.
Adrian had gotten undressed, too, only wearing his boxer shorts and a T-shirt that stretched over his biceps and his powerful-looking chest and round belly. The man was so gorgeous to Ben, it was weird to think how he’d once resisted the mere idea of being gay.Internalized homophobia, his inner voice provided. Yeah, it had been that.
“Can I just… show you?” Adrian asked, and Ben realized he’d been staring.
“What do you mean?”
“Can I make love to you?”
Ben swallowed hard. He knew what Adrian meant. Suddenly calm came over him, like a touch that enveloped his whole being.
“Yes.”
He realized he’d been waiting for this. That he’d known Adrian needed closure, needed to lay Gavin to rest, before moving on in the kind of way Ben needed to give all of himself to his lover.
It seemed almost like a romance novel thing in some way. The whole idea of if not virginity, then the first time with someone being something that was Ben’s to give away. Snorting at the thought, he stepped closer to Adrian.
Adrian seemed to understand where his mind was going, because he grinned as he tugged the towel off Ben’s hips.
“Were you just thinking about me popping your cherry?” he asked casually enough to make Ben blush.
He groaned, and Adrian laughed at him with obvious delight. “You were!”
“Jesus, Adrian, way to make this weirder than it has to be,” he murmured, but he felt the amusement, too.
“You don’t have to, you know. It’s not the be all end all of any sex, even between two men. I can bottom too if you’d rather do it that way. Or not at all.”
“I know, babe. I want to. I guess I just… it feels silly now….” He leaned down to kiss Adrian while scraping his fingernails against Adrian’s scalp in the way he knew the man loved.
Adrian pulled away from the kiss. “No, nothing you can feel about this is silly. It’s all valid. I was just teasing you, honey.”
“I know. I think I was waiting for something. To feel a certain way,” Ben admitted.
“To feel like this was it for youandfor me?” Adrian’s smile was a little sad.
Ben lowered his gaze from Adrian’s and nodded slowly. He hadn’t thought of it like that. Not consciously. But now, it was clear as day.
