Did I want a happily ever after? Or was I too encased in the stone of my head to let myself accept that?
CHAPTER 27
Adrian
Every time anger threatened to bubble to the surface, I had to find a way to channel it into something appropriate.
Anger that Delilah had not responded to my note.
Anger that I had fucked up somehow.
Anger that this might truly mean the end of Delilah, having to move on to something else, and knowing it would never be as good.
Cassius had had it fucking easy. His prior love with Sarah had meant that even after their fight, they knew what they were capable of reaching. Delilah and I had no such history to fall back on. If we failed, that was the definition of our courtship.
But I would not be a pussy who got consumed by heartache. I threw myself at times into working out, at times into my work—the legal, morally unambiguous parts of my work—and at times even into reflecting on why I was this way. The temptation to fuck up the Morrils for what they were doing was strong, but the minute I did that, I would undo so much of what I had worked toward.
And to be fucking frank, Lucas and Dante were far better equipped to handle that than I was.
When the work, exercise, and reflection subsided, though, questions peppered my mind. What exactly had not worked out with the note? Some of the wording might have been rough around the edges, sure, but that was kind of the point. I was not a gentleman, not in the way some envisioned men in suits and ties to be. I was protective, assertive in that protection, and controlling.
Controlling, that was, of Delilah’s safety, freedom, and well-being. It might have been a paradox to some—maybe even to Delilah herself—but it didn’t seem that way to me.
Maybe there was something from Delilah’s perspective that I was missing. Or maybe she had just truly moved on, and I needed to get the hint. Only one problem with that.
I wasn’t very good at taking hints.
So what the fuck was I doing wrong? Maybe the King of Diamonds needed to emerge. Maybe…
Do not mistake being an asshole and being a king for the same thing. And do not insist on having it all—because you will not. You will either control everything and no one, you will think you control everyone but actually nothing, or you can accept you can control yourself, a lot of things, and no one.
It’s the last one that you want, no matter what you think.
Fucking Cassius.
My phone rang, providing a merciful relief from the bouncing thoughts in my head. It was Lucas.
“Hey brother,” I said. “What’s the word?”
“Do you know about the connection between the Morrils and the rising crime in Reno?”
What does that have to do with anything?
“No, I don’t. Should I?”
“It’s something we might be able to use against them. We’ve been hearing things that your former love is unearthing on the ground over there.”
“Delilah?”
Ah, fuck. Well, if I was expecting relief from the bouncing thoughts in my head, it seemed like I was going to get the exact opposite here.
“Yeah. She’s been locked into her new role in Reno. All we hear from those we know up there is that she’s asking questions, digging up dirt, and learning things that we didn’t even know ourselves. I know we’ve talked about keeping our focus on Vegas, but if the Morrils are willing to get their hands dirty here, it’s far more likely we need to pay attention, even if we don’t get our hands involved, in Reno.”
Lucas kept talking, but his words never quite reached my ears. Without even realizing it, he had told me all I needed to know about my note.
Delilah had either not gotten it and didn’t care, because she was so focused on her work.
Or, quite possibly worse, she had gotten it, did not care, and continued to focus on her work.
