Cassius brushed himself off, sighed, and shook his body, as if trying to shake off the fight that had just happened.
“You can get her back, Adrian,” Cassius said. “But don’t go as the King of Diamonds. Don’t go as the man who pretends there’s no connection to Virgil. In the same way you wouldn’t go begging for her like a pussy, don’t go demanding her like an asshole. Go as the broken but honest man you are. But.”
He let silence hang for several seconds, as if testing me to see if I’d snap or say anything. I wasn’t going to say anything more. At this point, it only led to wrestling matches and punches.
“But, only go once you’ve looked deep inside yourself. Once you’ve seen the monster you are, not to others, but to yourself. Come to grips with it. Come to grips with it alone. Accept why you are so envious of me, why you are so insistent on projecting power, why you have such a need for control. And then, only then, should you go to Delilah. Because if you go before then, you will lose her. Forever.”
Cassius did not give me a chance to respond, walking out right then. I didn’t hear him say a word to my secretary or anyone else in the hallway; I was pretty sure this was the first fight we’d ever had in our offices, but I was also pretty damn sure that no one on our staff was dumb enough to ask us why the fight went.
Only when I was sure he had gone to the elevator did I think about the words that most hurt, that stabbed me.
“Don’t go as the man who pretends there’s no connection to Virgil.”
I mourned my little brother’s death. Of that, I had never bothered to hide it. But I had never thought there was a connection between his loss and my quest for control. Now, though?
There was no doubt it was the most unvarnished truth Cassius had said.
The desire to better Cassius? A quest to be the most controlling Vale in the family.
The desire to destroy the Morrils? A quest to be the most controlling casino empire in Vegas.
The desire to have Delilah on her knees before me? A quest to be the most controlling presence in her life.
The most controlling in a world in which I had learned at a young age how life laughed at those who tried to overexert control.
It was the most painful realization I’d had in a long, long time, so much so that I just sat there, miserable, struggling to get to my feet.
Yet beneath all that pain, beneath the hard realization that played out in my mind, lay a glimmer of hope.
This was absolutely rock bottom. This was the foundation of all my despair, frustration, and trouble.
I had only up to go from here.
I could not rush it. I could not control it. I could not dictate how coming to terms with it might go.
But at least I knew the direction toward redemption, toward getting Delilah.
At least I knew how to become the fullest version of Adrian Vale, the man.
CHAPTER 26
Delilah
THREE WEEKS LATER
Ihad been in Reno for about a week now , and it still shocked me when I went to bed every night without hearing a word from Adrian.
Gradually, the emotion of the silence had faded, but it had never quite disappeared. It didn’t sting every waking hour, and there were genuine moments in Reno where I got absorbed into my work. It was as Eric had promised; there weren’t wars between motorcycle clubs, the mafia, and assassins yet, certainly not in the streets, but sketchy characters were abound. Men with warrants for assault, drunk driving, and even kidnapping were popping up in the city with more frequency than before, and it felt like a pot that had just had the burner turned on. It would be a while before the water boiled over, but the heat was now on.
Still, even with that excitement, even with the realization that the work would be unlike anything I had worked on—taking the political and business wars of Vegas and turning it up to actual violent wars—I could never quite shake the feeling that Adrian would make a return to my life.
But all the same, because my life revolved around my work now, it was easier to compartmentalize. Even my apartment, sparsely decorated and looking more like a long-term hotel thana personalized home, afforded me the chance to focus solely on my work.
Only when I went to bed, only when the lights went out, did thoughts of Adrian return so deeply, so profoundly.
How we made love that one night.
How I fell asleep in his arms that one night.
