I swallowed again. I was shaking I was so nervous. I hadnotexpected this to be the outcome, that was for damn sure. But justas I always made sure what I published was legal, I had to make sure what I was getting into was exactly what I truly wanted—not just what my body wanted.
“What do you want, Adrian?”
CHAPTER 17
Adrian
Iwanted to fuck her.
That was what I was going to say the first time she asked the question. My cock was threatening to burst through my pants, and I was so fucking aroused that I could barely speak, let alone think.
But…
The more Delilah forced me to think about her question, the more something strange, something weirdly… almost uncomfortable became apparent.
There was a yearning for Delilah that was more than just physical.
Oh, make no mistake about it. She was fucking gorgeous. She was one of the hottest women I’d ever seen in my life. And if I had gotten her pants off, I would’ve fucked her senseless. I would have left her to melt on the bed, my most precious diamond yet.
And it wasn’t even like I would have left her and never called her again. I enjoyed our games of wits far too much for her to have ever been just a one-night stand—or a one-afternoon stand, as it was. Put the question of a relationship or marriage to me, and yeah, I probably would have laughed at first. I had enteredthis dynamic with no interest in repeating what Cassius did, and I was serious about that.
But…
Fuck!
I didn’t like being forced to think like this. I didn’t like having to peel back the layers of my psyche. Fuck. Then again, that’s why Delilah Reyes was the journalist and I was the subject.
Granted, I had never done an interview after coming so close to fingering the journalist to orgasm while she was topless.
“What do I want?” I said slowly, repeating the question, as if that might somehow make sense to me. “Do you want the truth, Delilah?”
She nodded. She looked so nervous, I almost wondered if she might cry. Well, at least it seemed pretty clear she wasn’t going to go write an article about this. If nothing else, it would make her look just as bad as me.
What I didn’t say—would never say—was that a strange part of me also felt off. Not nervous, I didn’t get nervous. I certainly wasn’t fucking scared. But there was something unusual about this whole situation, something inexplicable about everything, that I just couldn’t put my finger on it. It was something that I couldn’t grasp, couldn’t control, and that was irksome.
“The truth is, I have no fucking clue,” I said. “I know I want you. But what you’re asking is not just if I want you, but for how long I want you. And that’s not something I’ve given much thought to. It doesn’t mean you’re a quickie. But I don’t know.”
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d said that out loud to anyone, much less a woman. I exuded certainty and control. It’s how I had gotten to where I was. So to admit that was really saying something.
“You’d be surprised to hear that I appreciate your honesty,” Delilah said. “I’ve been asking you for honesty this whole time. I understand why you didn’t give it at first. It was a game to you.”
“But now we’re not playing games, now we’re doing something much more meaningful,” I said, nodding in sync with Delilah. “I take it that you want something more meaningful?”
I was surprised at how the uncertainty I felt increased tenfold upon asking that question. Why the fuck would I have cared that badly?Because what you want isn’t something you’ll even admit to yourself yet, let alone to her.
I shook my head. I was sure Delilah noticed. If she were smart, for once, she’d stop asking questions and just let me explain everything.
“I guess we’ll just have to fucking see,” I said with a shrug. “I guess time will tell, won’t it?”
I added a small smirk, as if to say Delilah would surely get what she wanted.
But instead, Delilah shrunk back to the side of the bed, so much so she got off it and stood up. Damn if she wasn’t fucking gorgeous topless, but the loss of that hit home harder than anything I was looking at.
“That’s not good enough, Adrian, and you know it,” Delilah said. “Be honest with yourself. Be really honest with yourself. You already know which way you’re leaning. I can see it in your eyes. I want you to say it.”
“You may want it, but I only speak when I want to,” I said. I hated myself for saying that. It sounded so fucking petulant. It was driven in part by how right she was. “If you want a direction I’m leaning in? I will still spend time with you, Delilah, after all this, even if we don’t fuck.”
“But to what end, Adrian?”
