I pressed the heel of my hand into my eyes, but it didn’t stop anything. Didn’t stop the sound that came out of me either. I’d been so damn afraid of losing her. So afraid of letting her see how broken I was. I pushed her away to protect her.
And lost her anyway.
My apartment was too quiet.Not the good kind. Not the kind you earn after a long shift when your body finally powers down. This was the kind of quiet that sat there… waiting. Like it expected something to fill it and knew nothing would.
I stood at the counter longer than necessary, protein shake untouched in my hand, eyes moving over the same square footage I saw every morning. Stainless steel. Clean lines. No clutter. Everything exactly where I left it. That should have felt normal.
It didn’t.
I walked toward the hallway, catching the weak Pittsburgh morning pushing through the windows, and something tightened low in my chest. My brain did what it sometimes does before I can stop it.
A space filled with the color she brought to my life. Clothes, shoes, art, music…laughter. Orgasms.Happiness.
I blinked, dragged myself back to now.
I exhaled slowly, forcing my shoulders to settle. That was then. This is now, but memory doesn’t ask permission to show up.
I rinsed the blender, and tried to shift my focus to work. The Hill District file sat in my bag, heavier than paper should be. I’d told myself yesterday that the overlap was procedural. That her name attached to anything related to the structure was coincidence. That was a lie.
She’d consulted on pieces stored there, and she might know exactly what had been inside before the fire. Which meant I had a reason to contact her.
I pulled my laptop closer and sat down at the small desk by the window. The cursor blinked at me while I considered how to word this so it didn’t sound like I was reaching. Because I wasn’t reaching.
I was only doing my job.
Subject:Hill District Property — Contents Verification
Ms. Ellison,
I’m working through the post-incident analysis on the Hill District structure Elijah Lewis was renovating.
To complete the report, I need as accurate an inventory as possible of what was present inside prior to the fire. Specifically:
• Artworks (artist, medium, size if known)
• Storage materials (crating, textiles, packing materials)
• Any restoration supplies or installation hardware already on site
• Planned placements, if documentation exists
This helps us reconstruct fuel load and burn progression, and it may also be required for the insurance assessment.
If you have acquisition records, condition reports, or even preliminary planning notes, they would be useful.
Let me know what’s easiest.
— Tariq
I read it twice.It sounded exactly like what it was supposed to sound like: neutral. Work-related. Necessary. But my finger hovered over the trackpad anyway because the last time I’d let silence stretch between us, it cost me years.
I hit send before I could overthink it.
The message disappeared into the ether. I was just a man doing his job is what I told myself. But the beat of my heart and the pulse in my dick called me a liar.
4
Icould’ve asked someone else to handle it.
