“Thank you so much, Ashley. I don’t want to work you too hard because I don’t want Nathan to start hating me.”
Ashley waved the comment off. “Nathan is trying to excel in his career the same way I want to excel in mine. He works thirteen hour days sometimes. He’ll be okay. The plan was to go hard the first year of marriage, so we can start trying for a baby in the second year. We have three more months until the second year.”
“And you’re going to make an amazing mother,” I assured her. “I’m going to make my social media posts; I need you to post for a model search in Diamond Cove. I’ll do auditions in the same venue that the fashion show will be held. After that, I’m going to order dinner, then go pick Jaxon up.”
Daycare was expensive as hell, but I bit the bullet and let Jaxon go two days a week because I did need Ashley to still be my assistant sometimes. I’d been having an internal battle with myself about whether or not to put Markell on child support. I didn’t want a big scandal attached to my name, but it wasn’t fair that he didn’t help me with Jaxon. Had I known he was married,I never would have slept with him. He didn’t deserve to get off with no consequences for his actions, but I worked too hard to be known for bullshit rather than fashion.
“You think you should add another seamstress to the team? That way we can get more pieces faster.”
“Definitely. I’m also going to raffle off some of the jackets that I plan to drop for fall. They’re going to run around $175. People can enter the raffle for $10.”
“That’s a great idea.”
Ashley’s excitement was soothing my anxiety for the moment. I knew when I called and told my parents and siblings, they’d be excited too. I loved my family, and I was lowkey embarrassed that I moved away to follow my dreams and ended up a single mother. My parents loved their grandchild, however, and when he was born, my father put $1,000 in my bank account and told me he didn’t want to hear anything about it.
I had to do this. I wanted to do it for myself, of course, but I wanted to make my parents proud. I also wanted my son to be proud of me once he was old enough to understand. Kimora Lee Simmons was one of my idols. My goal was to be a fashion mogul. The fact that my brain was about to on overload was overwhelming, but I knew I could do it. Going back home to prepare for the show wasn’t exactly necessary, but I wanted to. I would go crazy alone. I needed to be surrounded by family. My parents and siblings would be fighting over who would watch my son. I could be totally at ease because he was with family. That would also allow me time to work extra hours without trying to take care of Jaxon alone while exhausted.
If the fashion show was a success, it would change my life. Anxiety once again elevated my heart rate. There was only one thing about going back home that got my nerves started again. When just the thought of a person made your heart race and palms sweat, that was a powerful person indeed. However, it hadbeen three years since the last time I saw Rodney. Or Rage as the streets called him.
After getting over the heartbreak, dealing with another man, and having a child, thoughts of Rage still caved my chest. He was my first love. The first man I had sex with. He was also my first heartbreak. I had sex with one other man after Rage and before Markell. Neither Markell nor Jamaal made me feel the way Rage did during sex. It was a feeling that I prayed I’d find again. The connection we had was so deep that when we had sex it was more like making magic. Our bodies were so in sync. Rage was rough around the edges in every sense of the word, but he knew how to be gentle with me. Rage made me feel protected. Safe.
An incoming call interrupted what I was doing on my phone. I was going to make a flyer to announce that I was looking for sponsors. The call was coming from my sister, Allison.
“Hey, boo,” I couldn’t wait to tell her about the fashion show. We were ten months apart with me being the oldest. I was twenty-six, and our baby sister, Lexi was twenty.
“How are you doing?” Instantly, I knew something was off. When I was growing up, my parents, Lexi, and I joked that Lexi had a built-in ray of sunshine inside her body. She was always chipper and in good spirits.
She sounded somber which was a red flag for me. “I’m doing good. What about you? You sound kind of down.” Leaning back in my chair, I waited for an answer. I dropped the hint that I had picked up on her mood, so she wouldn’t lie and say there was nothing wrong.
“I know you don’t usually talk about him, and I don’t want me doing so to trigger you. I also know he was a big part of your life, and you may want to know.”
She could have only been talking about Rage. He was dead. He had to be. My chest tightened, and my throat felt as if it closed up. Nausea twisted my intestines as tears filled my eyes. Ididn’t want to hear the words. I couldn’t take it. Lexi spoke again as a salty tear ran down my cheek.
“He’s not dead bae. He was shot in the chest, but he’s not dead.”
Upon hearing the words, I cried like a baby. He wasn’t dead, but I couldn’t breathe. How was it possible for him to have that kind of hold on me for three years? My sister sat on the other end of the phone in silence while she let me get it all out. I didn’t even try to stop myself. Essentially, Rage chose the streets over me. I wanted him to come to Charlotte with me, but he didn’t want to leave the hood. I was super glad that he was okay but hearing about Rage being shot confirmed for me that I did the right thing by walking away.
Three weeks after the invitation to do a fashion show for a small fashion week type event in Diamond Cove, I was walking into my parents’ home. My father was right behind me with Jaxon in his carrier. I had barely pulled in front of the house good before he was rushing out to get his grandchild. He told me to leave my suitcase in the car, and he would get it once he put Jaxon down. Since my father didn’t have sons, he was elated when I found out I was having a boy.
For a few days after I found out about Rage being shot, I could barely focus. I kept waiting to get a call that he’d taken a turn for the worst and passed away. That call never came. The donations from sponsors did start coming in, however. Most were small, but there were a few large ones. I had a total of $17,000, and the show was in two and a half weeks.
Lexi was at the house, and the moment my father set Jaxon’s carrier down, my mother and sister made a beeline for him making me laugh.
“Me and this lady are going to fight,” Lexi stated as she rolled her eyes.
“Wait,” my eyes cut into slits, and I inched closer to her. “Let me see your grills.”
Lexi smiled proudly showing off the gold grills or ‘slugs’ in her mouth. Her smile widened, and I got a good look at the gold machine gun that went across two of her teeth.
“That’s really dope,” I leaned in closer inspecting it even more.
“Thank you. It’s custom.”
“I told her I want one,” my mother stated as she cradled Jaxon in her arms.
My mother’s comment made my lips push out. “Okay old lady,” I jested.
“Ain’t nothing over here old but my money.”
