“Oh my god, you have problems.” Carla snatched the cigarette from his hand, took a long drag, passed it back.
“I just—Why now? What happened? You said you’d been together five years, right?”
He was pretty sure he’d gotten the number right. That she’d definitely said that a few nights ago during their stakeout.
“Yeah,” Carla sighed. “Five fucking years. No ring.” She waggled her fingers at him. Three rings glittered on her hand, but none were on the correct finger. “I mean, there’s more to it than that. I met him when I was twenty-two, working at a club. I knew who he was and I wasn’t too sure about him, but he convinced me it wasn’t like that. Said he was running a business.” Her brow furrowed. “Course, that wasn’t true. I learned that the hard way the first time he blew someone’s brains out in front of me.”
Jack winced. “And you didn’t leave him then?”
Squeezing her eyes shut, she said, “No. I didn’t. I should’ve. But I was afraid of him. Afraid of the world I left behind.” She shrugged. “I didn’t think I’d fit in if I tried to come back. I just pretended everything was fine. That nothing was happening. Ronnie wasn’t a murderer, and I wasn’t living off blood money.”
Jack nodded. Bit his lip as he considered the terror she must’ve felt when she realized what Ronnie was capable of. Jack had spent portions of his life gripped by denial, convinced that somehow, some way, things would change. And then, they didn’t. The weight of reality grew heavier and heavier, until it became so backbreaking he could no longer deny it. Floundering relationships, jobs with no raise in sight, apartments on the verge of collapsing.
He supposed he was lucky he’d never found himself in a relationship where someone else had all the power. Where he had to sneak and scrounge and hide just to feel safe.
But Carla wasn’t like him. She was loud and boisterous and glamorous—the perfect girlfriend for a mobster rising into his prime. Where Jack would’ve disappeared into himself, she foundways to fit in—flying under the radar by fulfilling Ronnie's expectations.
It sounded exhausting.
“Do you think he’ll let you leave?” The words fled Jack’s mouth in a barely intelligible jumble.
Carla lowered her gaze to the sheets. “I told you. I can?—”
“But that’s not what I asked.”
A long exhale. Carla rolled her eyes to the ceiling, started to throw her hands up, then dropped them, defeated. “I don’t know. I don’t think it’ll be easy. I know too much. He’s not gonna like that. Thefamilyisn’t gonna like that.” She shrugged her shoulders. The chain around her neck dragged across her tanned collarbones. “I don’t know, Jack. I really don’t. What I do know is that I’m good at running and hiding.”
“Why is that?”
“What do you mean?”
“What are you running from?”
“I already told you. Creepy men, angry men, obsessive men. And maybe myself. Look, I was in a lot of bad relationships, OK? And some bad situations. I fell for every guy who said he could help me. I wanted to be a dancer, but it took me a while to realize that a lot of the guys I was talking to were just pimps. And they thought they fucking owned me. So I ran. A lot.” She folded her arms, glared at the wall in front of them, where their reflections were distorted by the blank television screen. “I can change whatever I want about myself in an instant. If I wanted to get away from you, I could.”
“That…” Jack’s breath caught in his throat. “That sounds really traumatic. Are you OK?”
The words felt insufficient, but it didn’t matter—Carla snatched the cigarette from him, tears spilling from her reddened eyes.
“I’m fucking fine,” she snapped.
Jack shrugged, reached tentatively to poke her in the leg with his foot. It seemed the safest way to touch her right now, an easy way for her to accept or reject the offer of physical comfort.
She glowered at him but didn’t scoot away. Progress.
“How come you don’t tell me to fuck off?” she demanded.
“I don’t know. I guess you’re kind of like a stray cat.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“You warm up after a while. I can wait until you’re ready.”
“You gonna bribe me with treats?”
“Would that help?”
“You spend a lot of time with stray cats?”
