Once his cries shifted to gentle snores, I walked toward the small window overlooking the driveway, compelled by an untamed rage that flooded through my veins. It was overpowering. All-consuming.
My fist slammed through the window, puncturing a hole as glass shattered, blood seeping from my sliced knuckles. I expected pain, but the only thing I felt was relief.
Good, little monster, the Devil said,let it out.
CHAPTER FIVE
Darkness enveloped the House on North Lane, the air thick with rot and decay. It was as though the House had been abandoned, even with the four souls living inside.
Silence followed me down every corridor, broken only by the groan of shifting beams and the creaking of floorboards.
The Devil’s eyes followed me through the portraits on the walls. Watching. Waiting. For what, I did not know.
While my father worked, my mother barricaded herself in her room, shutting Auden and I out like we were the Devil’s children, not hers.
She emerged only to attend church, dragging Auden and I along with her. Neither of us dared make a sound in fear of punishment.
We sat in the front row of pews, heads bowed, and hands clasped together in prayer. Our mother sat with Father Andrej on the pew across the aisle to our right, a rosary in each of their hands.
I could hear her shaky voice, the sharp intakes of breath, the quiet slap of her hands against her thigh every time she dropped them into her lap. She was discussing Auden. And me.
My attitude.
His silence.
My disrespect.
His tantrums.
Not wanting Auden to overhear, I directed his attention to the statue of Jesus on the cross. I told him how much Jesus loved him. How muchIloved him.
“You’ll never be alone,” I whispered, “because you have Jesus to pray to. And you have me. I’ll always be here. Always.”
His lips spread into a small smile, eyes on mine as he took in every word. My voice seemed to calm him enough to nestle closer, his head resting on my upper arm.
I ruffled his hair gently, forcing a smile of my own as my mother complained about how difficult we made her life. We weren’t the perfect children she felt she deserved as a loyal servant of God. Father Andrej didn’t dispute her, telling her that God would not have entrusted her with us if He didn’t believe she could guide us to Him.
“I am not who He thinks me to be, then,” my mother sniffled, “I wish I had never had children.”
A blade through the heart would have hurt less. I swallowed the pain, keeping my eyes clear of tears for Auden’s sake. Unlike my mother, I would not give up on him. He was not a burden. He was the light I would follow out of the darkness. The light I would protect when the shadows tried to drown him out.
The drive home was quiet except for the radio. Auden was asleep, security blanket glued to his chest in a warm embrace. I glanced past him, gaze on the row upon row of trees that followed us to North Lane, a blur of green, brown and grey.
I thought about what my mother had told Father Andrej—about how much of a burden Auden and I were. Auden was battling through his inability to communicate, and I had the Devil in my head. I needed to be good. Be better. Make my mother’s life easier.
That will never happen,the Devil hummed.
“What did Father Andrej say?” were my father’s first words as we stepped through the door.
“He thinks we should see a doctor,” my mother answered.
“A doctor?” my father frowned. “Why?”
“It doesn’t matter. Because he’s wrong. A doctor isn’t going to heal our children from sin.” She dumped herself onto the couch while Auden and I approached the staircase. I let Auden climb up, but I remained, listening as my mother added, “I need God’s guidance, and Father Andrej has sinned terribly for suggesting we turn to earthly means for a solution.”
“What? Mary, no. Father Andrej is right. If there is something wrong we need to–”
“God is testing us, Marcus, don’t you see? We’re failing. Augustus is disrespectful. He resorts to violence when he’s upset, he always talks back and thinks he knows it all. And Auden…” Her voice trailed off as she glanced toward where I hovered by the staircase. I slipped away before I could endure a scolding, heart hammering in my chest as I went.
