Riot laughed and kissed each of them on the forehead despite their protests. “Good night. Love you.”
The three of them all grumbled their I love yous back, and then I started to guide them into their room.
“You got them?” Riot asked. “I’m going to hop in the shower real quick then.”
I kissed his cheek. “Yeah, I got this. See you in a bit.” I met his eyes for a brief moment, letting him know that we’d be talking soon.
Riot rolled his eyes, but he wasn’t actually annoyed. One last good night to the kids and he turned down the hallway to our room.
“All right, boys, let’s get this show on the road.”
“Will I ever not be exhausted?” Riot groaned as he flopped into the bed next to me. He was wearing pajama pants with little clay bowls and vases that one of his students had gotten for him because they’d thought it was hilarious. He was shirtless and his hair was loose and still a little damp from his shower. He rested his head on my stomach, not at all bothered about getting me wet.
I ran my fingers through his hair. “When Stormy is eighteen maybe?”
Riot snorted. “Only sixteen more years then? Not bad.”
“How’re you?” I asked seriously. I knew if I didn’t bring it up, then Riot would act like his panic attack had never happened. He was open about a lot of things but would sometimes shut down and get defensive whenever he was struggling.
“I’m fine. Seriously, Ko. Sorry I called you during work.”
I held back my sigh, just barely though. “You know I don’t care about that. I’m only worried about you.”
Riot threaded his fingers through mine. He was fiddling with the waistband of his pajamas with his other hand. “I was just having a moment. Everything hit me at once. But I’m okay now, really. Thanks for talking to me.”
“Anytime, baby. You know that.”
“Mm-hmm.”
We fell quiet for a moment, lost in our thoughts. We had so much to talk about, but I didn’t even know where to begin.
Fuck it.
“Ri?”
He twisted his head to look at me.
“I love you.”
His thumb ran along my rib under my shirt. “I love you too, Ko.”
I closed my eyes, preparing to blurt out the one thing I still hadn’t completely shared. I had said everything I felt over the last few weeks without saying it. But it felt important now to lay it all out there. I wasn’t as scared either. Knox had seen it way before I had, but I was pretty sure I was there now. There was no more terror at the thought of losing Riot if I shared my feelings fully. All I felt was relief at the idea of having no more secrets between us.
“I’m in love with you. Have been pretty much for forever. Romantic love,” I clarified, not really sure how else to explain it. “I truly believe you’re my soulmate. And . . .” I paused, my wordsa little jumbled. “Maybe I’ve been looking at it wrong all these years, and I’m sorry I never told you that before.”
Riot turned so he was fully facing me. He was propped with his forearms on my chest, his face inches from mine, confusion lacing his hazel eyes. “What do you mean you were looking at it wrong?”
I traced his jawline. “I was afraid,” I admitted. “I was convinced you only saw me as a friend, that if I told you how I felt, you’d shut me out or maybe force yourself to act in a way you didn’t want to. So I stayed quiet. But these last few weeks made me realize that our feelings weren’t so different; we were just working on different definitions.”
“Of course I love you, Koa,” Riot said, a little indignant. “You seriously didn’t realize that?”
“No, no, I did. I just didn’t understand how. Not really. Fuck, I don’t know, Ri. Saying it out loud makes me feel dumb. Like I wasted so much damn time in my own head.”
“I’m not going to pretend to understand what’s happening right now. But I do love you. I can’t imagine not sharing my life with you. I miss you when you’re not with me. You’re the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing before I go to sleep. I want to share everything with you, from the serious shit to pointless memes I see online. When I think of my future, I think of you. Isn’t that enough?”
Tears filled my eyes. I couldn’t take it another moment. I hauled Riot up by his shoulders, kissing him roughly. “Yeah, baby. That’s enough. That’s fucking everything.”
Riot rested his head on my shoulder but was still looking up at me. “I wish you told me. Whenever you got weird, I thought it was because you wanted space and were regretting that you’d locked yourself down to me, whatever the reasons. I would’ve thought you knew I would never put distance between us, unless you wanted it.”
