As an opening volley, it was designed to make Aubrey lose his temper, and damn near succeeded.
“Hawk, if you keep throwing that bloody opera dancer in my face, we shall fall out. I was seventeen, for the love of heaven. I am not a foolish boy any longer, and this is entirely different.”
“I do not believe Ikeepthrowing it in your face. This is the first time I’ve mentioned it in years, as far as I know,” Hawk replied, his expression mild, as Aubrey remembered he’d been hidden behind a door when he’d heard him say it last.
“My point stands.” Aubrey firmed his jaw, reminding himself that the duke would go out of his way to provoke him, and use his anger to prove that he was still foolish and headstrong. Well, not today. “This is different. If she’ll have me, which is by no means a certainty, I intend to make Miss Marwick my wife.”
Hawkney visibly winced at this information, which Aubrey supposed confirmed all his worst fears.
“Then I imagine you can confirm that the young woman who accompanied you home is entirely respectable and will be a welcome addition to our family?”
“She is and she will indeed.”
Aubrey glared at his cousin, feeling his temper rise. Hawkney raised an eyebrow, then sat forward, contemplating the articles on his desk. Everything was neat and orderly and in its correct place, as always. With one long finger, he pushed the ink blotter a fraction, rectifying a slight misalignment. Satisfied, he looked up at Aubrey once more.
“Is that so? Tell me about her. Where was she born? Who are her people? Oh, wait, we know she has a brother who is a criminal.” Hawkney added the last bit with a snap of his fingers, as if he’d only just that minute recalled it.
Aubrey took a breath, refusing to rise to the bait. “I don’t know all the details, but Alice’s mother fell on hard times. They went to the workhouse when she was five. She and her brother and a woman who is Alice’s companion and housekeeper escaped the appalling conditions. They did what they had to in order to survive. Alfie stole to give his sister a safe place to live with Lill, so she could be respectable, have friends, and lead the kind of life she deserves. In his place, I would have done the same.”
Guilt stirred in his guts at making out Alfie really was Alice’s brother. Not for deceiving Hawkney, who was having a hard enough job understanding the situation as it was, but because he felt it diminished Alice, it undermined her story and lessened the grandeur of everything she had accomplished. But he was not fool enough to think that explaining this would aid their cause.
“Yes, quite, very understandable. A moving story, and one repeated thousands of times around the country, I do not doubt.But you are the grandson of a duke. You inhabit different worlds. It just isn’t done, Aubrey, and you damned well know it. Miss Marwick may or may not be a remarkable woman, but she is suited only to be your mistress, not your wife.”
Aubrey shot to his feet, rage blazing in his chest as he struggled to hold on to his temper, knowing too well how Hawkney operated. The desire to grab the devil by his impeccably tied cravat and throttle him was enticing, but he resisted the urge. “Miss Marwick is an honourable woman and does not deserve to be maligned nor offered such an insult.Take it back.”
Hawkney let out an impatient breath, his shoulders stiffening. “I offer no insult. I am not suggesting you make her your mistress. Indeed, I would strongly disapprove of keeping such a woman in a small town like Little Valentine. I am only trying to show you the disparity in your situations. Miss Marwick ought to marry a respectable man and live happily ever after. I hope she does, but it cannot be you. A clerk or naval man, perhaps. She’d be doing well to catch a man of business or a clergyman, certainly.Youare out of her reach. For heaven's sake, Aubrey! She could never move in the circles you belong to. It would make you both miserable, for she would be a fish out of water.”
“You know nothing!” Aubrey’s fists clenched in frustration, he could feel the heat of his rage burning in his cheeks, his chest tight with the desire to vent his anger, but he held himself in check.
Hawkney sat back, regarded Aubrey with thinly veiled amusement in his cold eyes. “Then educate me.”
Aubrey forced himself to take a breath and let it out again, waiting until he felt a degree less murderous beforemeeting his cousin’s gaze once more. As he did, as he saw the hauteur in every line of the duke’s face, generations of breeding in his formidable gaze and, beneath it all, a man who was deeply troubled, a man who bore the burdens of his rank and responsibilities alone, because he did not know any other way. Hawkreallydid not understand, and that was a tragedy for him, not for Aubrey. All at once his anger drained away, and he felt nothing but pity.
“Hawk,” Aubrey said, and saw his cousin tense, noting at once the change in his demeanour. “I am sorry for getting you embroiled in last night’s trouble. It was too bad of me, and I know you’ll hate the scandal it provokes. For that, you have every right to chastise me, and I will do all I can not to make things worse. But I won’t destroy my own happiness to do it. I am a grown man, you have no power to force me to do what you wish, and I am not so feeble-minded as to let you.”
For a fleeting moment there was a look of deep frustration in the duke’s eyes. He turned away from Aubrey, his jaw tightening, his words brittle. “This is not how things are done in our family. What would your mother think?”
Oh, that was a low blow, but Aubrey only smiled in response. “She’d be shocked, certainly. But Mama’s hope for us was that we would be happy. I haven’t been happy for a long time, Hawk. I’ve been treading water, going through the motions, breathing in and breathing out, but I’ve been bored out of my mind. Don’t you feel it too? Don’t you recognise the fact that you’re empty inside?”
Hawkney frowned at this, shifting in his chair. He looked uncomfortable with such unvarnished honesty, not to mention the probing nature of the questions, and shook his head as ifto dismiss the words as nonsense. “You’ve never said so before. Indeed, you have always been the life and soul of any gathering.”
Aubrey laughed. “Habit, I suppose. No one likes being around a curmudgeon, do they?”
“Unless he’s a duke. You’d be amazed how people support any kind of mood then.” Hawk’s expression was grim, a satirical glint in his eyes and, once again, Aubrey felt a surge of compassion for his cousin, trying so hard to be the perfect nobleman and making himself utterly miserable into the bargain.
Letting out a breath, Aubrey sat down, but leaned forward, trying to gather his thoughts, trying to make his cousin understand. “When I first met Alice, she intrigued me. But in the days that have followed, she has pushed and pushed at all my preconceptions. She challenges me at every turn and is unlike anyone I have ever known. I do not know what she will do or say next, and it is a delight to me. She has brought colour into my world, where before everything was grey.”
Hawkney made a sound of revulsion. “Poppycock. You do not understand what you are risking!”
“And you don’t understand what you’ve already lost.”
“She’ll ruin you.” The words were stark, unyielding, and yet Aubrey felt no sting. He did not even blame his cousin for saying them. Hawk had been conditioned to think a certain way, to act a certain way; he was trapped, as so many people were trapped. But Alice had unlocked more than Aubrey’s heart, she had freed him of the shackles that held him in place and given him the courage to set them aside.
Aubrey reached for his coffee cup, turning it in his hands as he tried to find the words to explain. He knew he was about tomake things worse between himself and his cousin, but he owed him the truth.
“I’m sorry for you, Hawk, if that’s truly all you can understand about the situation. You see nothing but scandal and ruin where I see salvation. Alice has given me back the joy of living, of waking in the morning and wondering what might be possible. I understand some people won’t welcome us, and I accept that. Honestly, if people are so narrow-minded that they cannot accept my choice, then I’d rather not have anything to do with them. I’d rather live my own life, be my own man, with Alice at my side, than dance to society’s drum. I know you can’t hear anything but that drum, Hawk, and I hope you’ll forgive me for saying it, but I pity you, cousin. Honestly and truly, I do. For your life will be barren and empty for so long as you live. Is that what you really want? Is that all that life holds for you: duty and responsibility and providing an heir? There’s so much more if you’d only open your eyes.”
“That’s enough!” Hawkney looked truly furious now. He rose, stalked to the window, and looked out. The day was grey, a thin, desultory rain pattering against the glass. “I have had as much as I can take of such overwrought, mawkish sentimentality.”
