‘No, no. It’s not really that either.’
I nod, still unclear about the kind of situation he’s talking about. ‘She’s a friend then?’
‘Um, not really. Well, I guess so.’ He starts delving into his rucksack. ‘We worked together in a pub a few years ago,’ he adds. ‘The shop was going through a shaky time, and I’d picked up a few shifts.’
‘And?’ I smile.
‘I ran into her again and she was in a bit of a state about being evicted. So I said she could move into my spare room as a stopgap.’
‘That’s very sweet of you,’ I say. Why am I pleased that she’s not his girlfriend?
He shrugs, pulling out the black joggers and white T-shirt he’s been sleeping in. ‘Well, it was only meant to be a short-term thing.’
I study his face, detecting a hint of relief that he’s told me. Three days ago, he had a perfunctory, let’s-just-get-this-done! vibe. Beyond the basic facts – the shop, his kids and his split from Paula – I’d known virtually nothing about his life now. ‘How long has she been at your place?’ I ask.
‘That’s the thing.’ He scratches at the back of his neck that’s a little tanned, I’ve noticed, from our Bridlington day. ‘It’s been six months.’
‘Six months! Do you mind? Is it okay, or—’ I break off, realising that he might not want to go into it all. But as he tells me how it is, with Elaine frying onions at all hours, it’s clear that it’s far from okay.
‘So what are you going to do?’ I ask.
He pulls a face. ‘I really don’t want to ask her to move out, but…’
‘You want her to go, though.’
Shane nods slowly. ‘I’m sort of feeling that it’s time.’
‘Tricky,’ I say. ‘Is she seeing anyone?’
He brightens. ‘Yeah, she is actually. Seems pretty keen. But it’s very new?—’
‘But you’re hoping they’ll rush into living together?’ I smile.
‘It has crossed my mind!’ He laughs.
Later, lying side by side on the mattress, we continue to concoct a scenario in which Elaine and her new love are not only flat hunting, but browsing the IKEA website and picking a sofa as we speak. And by the time we say goodnight, we have convinced ourselves that everything will resolve itself brilliantly.
Shane is sleeping now. I can tell by his slow, steady breathing. The way it’s been tonight, I reflect, it’s as if all the bad stuff never happened. Somehow, everything has been made better, just by us being thrown back together in a rattly old van.
I never imagined we’d be friends again, and tonight, on this campsite in Scarborough, I barely sleep a wink. My head is full of it all; full of Shane and me. And I’m right back there, with him, on the night that changed everything forever.
24
This time it isn’t a derelict mill. It’s a shabby guest house in Huddersfield, in which the three of us are staying on the last night of our tour. The whole time we’ve been away, it’s been simmering between Shane and me. We are older now – I’ve just turned twenty – and things seem a little more serious. I catch him looking at me. I see it in his eyes, and it thrills me to know that he wants us to be together.
Although we don’t discuss it, I know we both have the same thing in mind. So on a dark, wet night, I send Ravi out for beers, insisting that it’s her turn. Shane and I are always the ones to do all the errand stuff, the fetching and carrying and running about.
We couldn’t get a family room this time, so we had to book two rooms – a double for Ravi and me, and a single for Shane. As soon as she’s gone, we fall into bed together, in his little room next to ours. We’re kissing, then we’re naked and I’m wrapped around him, wanting him so much. ‘I love you, Josie,’ he says. ‘You know that, don’t you?’
‘I do,’ I say, ‘and I love you too.’ He’s inside me then, and I cry out as three years of longing seem to burst from my heart. Afterwards, we dress quickly. But we want to hold each other, to eke out every last minute, so we lie down again together. Just a few minutes more, we’re reckoning, before Ravi comes back. Then we’ll get up and straighten ourselves out and act like everything’s normal?—
The door flies open and Ravi marches in, clutching a carrier bag of beers. Her mouth drops.
‘We were just sleeping,’ I insist as we jump up.
‘Yeah, looked like it!’ She shrugs it off, and we’re about to head to The Mucky Duck, our venue for the night, when she beckons me into our room. We’ve left Shane in his, to change and get ready.
‘What’s going on with you two?’ Ravi exclaims.
