‘When you start? So you got it then?’
‘I did, yeah!’
It’s hardly a new thing, for either of his sisters to succeed at something. It’s often felt to Eddie that opportunities simply land in their laps. But it feels different this time because he’s heard his mum talking to her friends about Bella, and that she wondered if she might move back home.How will we fit her in?had been his first – panicked – thought. But he was shocked too because he’d thought Bella had the perfect life in London.
‘I’m really happy for you,’ he told her. ‘You are amazing, you know that?’
‘Oh, stop it,’ she chided him.
Eddie sniggered. ‘So, are you pleased, then?’
‘Yeah, of course I am! I’msopleased. So I’ll be up to see you soon, okay?’
‘Great.’
Bella paused. ‘And you will do that thing you promised to do, won’t you? Please, Ed, before I come up?’
He assured her that he would. Because as usual Bella was right. He had to muster the mental strength to go and see their dad at the garage. It was his duty – as the only one at home now – to get to the bottom of what was going on.
Now Eddie turns away from the seafront, following the road that takes him past a new tea room – unusuallystylish for Sandybanks – and the little pottery place that only opened last week. And now he has reached the garage where his dad works, and he’s feeling a little shaky and nervous. He heads round the back of the building, stepping around pieces of rusty old engine, and spots a black and white cat who’s watching him intently. Then he sees his dad sitting in the doorway of the truck. Something seems to set hard in Eddie’s chest.
‘Hi, Dad.’
His father looks up and blinks in surprise. He’s eating what looks like Weetabix from a chipped bowl. ‘Eddie. Hi!’
He’s lost it, Eddie realises. How can he possibly be living here? His dad’s always been there, strong and solid, whenever he’s needed someone to talk to. Even when he’d thrown himself into those mad business schemes, he’d always beenDad.Dad in his old worn-out jeans and that awful yellow T-shirt with the cartoon bear on the front. And Eddie always believed that, whatever stupid stuff he got up to, his father would always be there for him and that would never change.
‘Dad …’ Not knowing how to start, Eddie looks around and perches on a small stack of wooden crates. ‘What are you doing here?’
His father exhales and sets the bowl on the ground. ‘It’s hard to explain,’ he says.
‘Try then,’ Eddie says, more forcefully than he intended.
His dad rubs at his unshaven jaw and pushes back his hair. Eddie thinks it’s gone a bit greyer these past few months, though that might just be dust and dirt from living here. He’s almost ashamed to see his own fatherin a vile old sweater and grubby black sweatpants, his brown feet bare and looking like they need a good scrub. But he won’t get upset. He’s not here to beg or plead, and he certainly isn’t going to cry in front of him.
‘I just …’ his father starts, and Eddie sees with horror that his eyes are wet. He has never seen his dad cry.Please don’t cry!he wills him.Because then I won’t know what to do!‘I know it’s my fault,’ he adds.
‘What is?’ Eddie stares at him.
‘All of it.’ There’s more face rubbing and Eddie notices that the cat is still watching him. ‘The way I’ve been,’ his dad goes on. ‘The impetuous decisions. All the stuff I’ve put your mum through over the years. And then the pregnancy—’
‘You think that wasyourfault?’ Eddie asks incredulously.
‘Well, yeah. Kind of—’
‘So you think it’s all about you, do you?’
His dad looks at him, clearly shocked. ‘No. Not exactly. But I haven’t set you a good example, have I? I’ve—’
‘Dad, for a start,’ Eddie lurches in, surprised by the firmness in his voice, ‘it’s not your fault. Nothing is. And we’re happy about Grace. Can’t you see that? We’resohappy. We love her so much!’
‘Yes, but—’
‘—And you’ve been an amazing dad. You always have. But you’re not so amazing now, are you?’ Fury surges up in him as his dad’s mouth falls open, and he jumps up from the crates. ‘Look at you, sitting here, living like …’ He checks himself, shaking his head. ‘You shouldn’t be here. That’s all.’
‘It felt like the best thing,’ his father mutters, ‘for everyone. I’ve been to look at some flats to rent—’
‘This is sounding like self-pity now,’ Eddie snaps. ‘I’m sorry, Dad, but it’s just not good enough.’ He’s about to say, ‘man up’, but stops himself. ‘We need you,’ he adds.
