‘I’m a chef,’ Eddie replied, and Josh looked at him as if he’d said, ‘I shovel shit’. There were loads of Joshes last night. Joshes and Bens and Millies and Tillies and even a Dilly, he remembers now. Under the feeble dribble of the shower, he replays it all like a terrible movie as he tries to wash the mint-scented lather off his skinny body. It’s like standing under a dripping leaf.
At least no one seemed to care about the nature of Lyla and Eddie’s relationship last night. He was justthere,like some amusing random she’d picked up and made a baby with. And everyone seemed cool with that. They kept teasing her, calling her ‘Mama’, and she lapped it all up while Eddie was basically ignored. Apart from being called upon to do photos, that is.
Eddie dries himself on a fraying towel and gets dressed. As he pulls on battered trainers he tries to push away how weird it all is, acting this part. As weird as his mum going away with Suki this weekend.
They’re going to be best mates, Eddie decides as he steps out into the musty hallway, shuts the flat door behind him and heads downstairs. It’s all too much. It feels like a tangled web he’s in – trapped, with no means of escape.
As he steps out into the chilly morning, trying to rev himself up for his shift at the restaurant, what Eddie really wants to do is call home. Or, more specifically, his mum. His dad’s great, and Eddie loves him to bits but it’s hismum he wants to talk to now. But he can’t do that because she’s away with Suki. And even if she wasn’t he couldn’t bear to admit what an almighty fuck-up he’s made of everything, and that the girl he’s having to pretend to be in love with – well, he really is in love with her.
Lyla is amazing. She’s so incredibly beautiful he can hardly bear to look at her face.
So, in a bizarre tangle Eddie is having to pretendnotto be in love with the person he’s pretending to be in love with. Right now, with the hangover steadily crushing his brain, Eddie can’t make sense of that at all. It feels like the time his little sister Ana tipped out a whole load of jigsaw puzzles onto the living room floor and all the pieces were muddled up. Occasionally, his sisters message him: Bella being all:I’m here for you, give me a call sometime when you’re free?and Ana sending him jokey videos that have nothing to do with babies or the mess of his life. Eddie appreciates it, that his sisters think about him sometimes. But his replies are brief.All fine yeah talk soon.
Eddie’s running late for work now. Even so, he stops to roll a cigarette. Why does he go along with this crazy pretence that he and Lyla are together? Because he’d go along with anything she asked of him. He lights his roll-up and looks at that photo again, of the two of them at the party last night. Now he’s really scrutinising it, deciding that anyone would think they were together and in love. Then he can’t see it properly because something shocking is happening.
Tears are falling out of Eddie’s eyes. He’s crying, right there in the street, with people going about their businessall around him. People carrying books, whizzing past him on bikes and striding along with takeaway coffees. They’re all sonormal– just regular people who’ve got their lives together.
Eddie should be rushing to work now. But he can’t. He can’t go to the restaurant and pretend everything’s okay because he’s crying, and the hand that’s holding his skinny roll-up is shaking, so how could he possibly work with knives? So he messages his boss, Marius, who’s been so great with him, teaching him how to make the perfect reduction and sear a fillet of fish to perfection, rather than lightly poaching it and turning it grey.
Sorry can’t make it in today feel really ill.
Immediately, his phone buzzes into life. ‘Hey, what’s up?’ Marius asks, clearly busy. There’s clattering and urgent voices in the background as the team prepares for lunchtime service.
‘Um, I just feel really bad,’ Eddie croaks, hoping Marius doesn’t pick up on all the outdoor sounds around him. The traffic, a dog barking, the ding of an approaching tram.
‘Don’t give me that,’ he booms. ‘We need you here on prep today. Remember we’ve got that big party coming in? The table of ten? They booked two months ago!’
‘Yeah, I know,’ Eddie starts as an ambulance siren shrieks.
‘Whereareyou?’
‘In bed—’
‘Don’t give me that. I can’t be one man down, today of all days. What’ve you got? A Hangover? Take some fucking ibuprofen and get yourself in right now—’
‘Honestly, Marius, I can’t,’ Eddie protests. ‘I’d be no use. Really. I’m going to have to go. Sorry. I’ll be in tomorrow—’
‘Oh, so you’ll be better then, will you?’ his boss snaps.
‘I think it’s just one of those twenty-four-hour things,’ Eddie starts. But Marius has already ended the call.
Chapter Twenty-six
Carly
‘So we could pack a picnic and drive up into the hills,’ Suki suggests. ‘Or take a boat trip across the loch, or watch the red kites from the hide. What d’you think?’
‘I think I’ll stay here and use the hot tub,’ Dinah announces at breakfast. ‘I came here for a rest, Suki. You all go out.’
‘I’m not leaving you here all alone,’ Suki protests.
‘I’ll be fine! Honestly.’
I glance at Oliver and we seem to transmit a look. It hardly seems believable that Suki’s been hatching a plan to get her brother and Dinah together. ‘No, I’ll stay with you, Dinah,’ she says with a trace of regret. ‘We’ll have a lovely time chilling out together.’ She musters a bright smile and turns to Oliver and me. ‘But what will you two do?’
‘I’m happy to amuse myself,’ I say quickly, hoping my relief isn’t obvious. I wasn’tlovingthe idea of a whole day with Dinah, extolling her strident views on the correct way to parent adult kids.
‘I can show you around, if you like?’ Oliver ventures. ‘I’ve spent quite a bit of time up here.’
