Now Frank comes in when I fetch him – when dinner’s ready – and guzzles it like a starved teenager before sloping off out to the shed again. Some evenings I’m tempted to carry out his plate and set it on the ground outside the shed door. Let the gulls get it, for all I care!
‘Frank …’ My voice cracks, and I clear my throat. ‘I feel a bit … lonely at the moment.’
He looks confused. ‘Lonely? What d’you mean?’
‘You know what lonely means. It’s that kind of … hollow feeling. When you feel … alone.’
He shrugs infuriatingly, as Eddie might have done. Frustration rears up in me. ‘Well, it was going to feel a bit weird, wasn’t it, with Eddie leaving home?’ he remarks. ‘The empty-nester thing. You even bought a book about it—’
‘It’s not about Eddie or the girls being gone,’ I say sharply.
‘So what—’
‘It’sus!’ I exclaim. ‘It’s me and you, Frank. That’s why I feel lonely.’
‘But why? I’m here, aren’t I?’ He looks genuinely baffled.
‘It feels like you’re not really.’ My eyes prickle with tears, and I quickly blink them away. ‘People can feel lonely in a marriage,’ I add. ‘They can feel shunned and pushed away and—’
‘I’m not shunning you, Carly.’ His forehead crinkles. ‘I’m just … doing stuff. I’m fine—’
‘Oh, I’m gladyou’refine!’
‘Carly!’ he exclaims, placing a hand gently on my forearm. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing,’ I say firmly. And then, realising this discussion is hopeless, I thrust my phone, displaying Suki’s message, at him.
Frowning, he reads it. ‘Jesus. That’s weird, isn’t it?’
‘It’s a bit out of the blue, yeah …’
‘Why d’you think she’s asked you?’
Maybe my hormones are raging tonight, or I’m still all out of kilter after seeing Dad. Sometimes, the colossal effort of maintaining my cheery daughter act knocks me off-centre for hours afterwards. ‘Maybe because she liked me?’ I venture.
‘Really?’ His eyes widen in surprise.
‘Well, yeah! I’m thinking that’s probably the reason. Because some people – even people who hardly know me, Frank – aren’t totally appalled by the idea of spending time with me!’
‘Hey!’ He tries to grab my hand.
Irritably, I shake him off. ‘What’s brought this on? I don’t get it—’
‘What I said, Frank. Just what I said—’
‘Okay, okay! But obviously, you’re not going, are you? On this weekend thing with Suki?’
I blink at him. ‘Aren’t I?’
He shakes his head in disbelief. ‘I wouldn’t have thought so. It’s not exactly your kind of thing, is it?’
‘What, having fun? Doing something spontaneous and making new friends? Spending time with the woman who’s going to be a grandmother to Eddie and Lyla’s baby? Because like it or not, Frank, they’re having a child—’
‘For God’s sake!’ he snaps. ‘I do know that, Carly. I can hardly think about anything else.’
We fall into a grim silence. Then, as I’m about to get up and leave him simmering away on his own, he murmurs, ‘She’s a bit odd, though, isn’t she? Didn’t you think so, that day at the lunch?’
‘What, Suki? Not especially,’ I say, contrarily.
