She pauses and leans forward. ‘I’m so glad you’re bothhappy with the situation,’ she announces to Frank and me. Hang on, did we say that? ‘See, you two met when you were young,’ she adds, beaming now. ‘And sometimes it’s best to dive right in when you’re full of energy and life.’ So she’s not putting on a brave front. She’s actually thrilled about the baby. ‘And you two aresoyoung and beautiful,’ she goes on, turning to Lyla, who’s remained remarkably composed throughout, while Eddie now looks as if he is awaiting root canal treatment. ‘Okay, you’ve only been together six months,’ she adds. ‘But that’s long enough, isn’t it, to know if someone’s right for you? Don’t you think, Carly?’
‘Er, yes,’ I manage, nodding. ‘I suppose it is.’ What else can I do?
‘It’s the best time of your life,’ she enthuses, ‘before you’re bogged down in responsibilities …’
That’s what a baby is,I want to cry out.The biggest responsibility of all.But perhaps I’m being a killjoy and overthinking everything, and it’ll all be fine? Suki seems to think so.
‘So,’ I start, ‘with the baby coming …’ I glance down at the remains of my fish on my plate. It looks as if it’s been torn apart by dogs. ‘I wanted to say,’ I continue, clearing my throat, ‘to both of you—’
‘Mum-it’s-fine!’ Eddie says sharply.
‘No, Eddie, can I just say this please?’ I blink at him, trying to transmit the message:You’re twenty-two and a dad-to-be so can you stop acting like you’re twelve?‘I just wanted to say,’ I press on as Frank watches me expectantly, ‘that thisisa bit of a surprise. But if you’re happy, Lyla, and Eddie is too, then me and Frank—’
‘Oh, I’m so glad you’re positive about it,’ Suki interjects. ‘And isn’t it gorgeous, the way they met? Have you ever heard anything so cute?’
‘Erm no,’ I bluster, flushing instantly. ‘I haven’t.’
‘I mean, what are the chances?’
‘Iknow!’ Eddie’s gaze is boring into my forehead like a dentist’s drill. I tip the rest of my wine down my throat.
‘And we’re all going to help you guys,’ Suki announces.
‘Yes, we are,’ I say firmly. ‘That’s what I wanted to say. That we’re here for both of you, and we’ll do everything we can to help and support you.’ I pause and catch Frank’s eye. ‘Won’t we, Frank?’
‘Yes!’ he blurts out, voice croaky from underuse.
‘I was a young mum,’ Suki explains, when our table has been cleared. ‘Just twenty when I had Lyla. And that didn’t turn out too badly, did it, darling?’
‘No, Mum,’ she agrees with a smile. ‘You did amazingly.’
Will Eddie and Lyla ‘do amazingly’ too? I look at my son, reminding myself that he’s a grown man now –on paper. Then there are desserts, which Suki insists we all have. And when we’re done, stuffed with nursery puddings and custard, she insists, squiffily, on paying the bill, despite my and Frank’s protests: ‘No, it’s my treat. Absolutely.’ Then we all tumble out into the bright March sunshine, which seems to sear my retinas as she hugs me, and then Frank, and says, ‘Don’t know about you but I’m in the mood for some shopping!’
‘Mum, remember last time?’ Lyla chides her playfully.
‘Whatlast time?’ She giggles, linen jacket not worn but draped over her shoulders.
‘You said you’d never go shopping again after wine!’
‘I did, didn’t I? Too many rash decisions. Never mind. You up for it, Eddie?’
‘Oh no,’ he says quickly. ‘I’d really better—’
‘I think we’ll head back to Eddie’s,’ I cut in, thinking that we need time alone together, as a family. That’s what we came for, after all: to speak to our son! To find out what’s going on inside his head! But Suki is already saying, ‘Come on then, Eddie. You’re coming shopping with us. Bye, Carly, Frank. It’s been absolutely lovely meeting you. A real pleasure.’ Then she links one arm with her daughter and another with Eddie, who looks at us, eyes wide in alarm.
‘I’m not sure Eddie wants to go shopping!’ I start as if he can’t speak for himself.
‘Mum, it’sall right,’ he mutters, and Suki laughs.
‘C’mon then!’ As she leads them away, tottering slightly in her heels, I’m hit with a wave of panic that I may never see my son again.
Chapter Fifteen
Whatever I’d hoped to achieve on Saturday, it doesn’t feel like I managed it. ‘But you did,’ Prish insists. ‘You wanted to show Eddie that you’re fully supportive, didn’t you?’
‘I guess so. But it didn’t seem like Ididanything. I just sat there and slugged wine and ripped a fish to pieces—’
‘Oh, Carly.’ Jamie squeezes my arm as we step down from the seafront onto the beach. Whatever the weather, we try to fit in a quick lunchtime walk, taking it in turns to man the library desk. Today we’ve left Marilyn on duty.
