They stop and look around wildly. ‘The hen run’s open!’ she announces, and they run towards it, aware of Theo watching gravely as they try to round them all up. ‘Did you let them out, Theo?’ Pearl asks as they coax the last hen – the speckled black and white one – back into the run.
‘Yes,’ he announces.
‘But why?’ Niall asks incredulously.
‘Because…’ His bottom lip crumples and tears spring from his pale blue eyes.
‘Oh, Theo,’ Pearl cries. ‘No need to be upset?—’
‘Shelley shouted at Mummy,’ he whimpers, rubbing at an eye with a fist. ‘I don’t like Shelley.’
‘Look, darling.’ Pearl crouches down and takes his hand. ‘She wasn’t really cross at you. Well, shewas, but she only reacted like that because…’ She tails off and looks up at Niall. ‘She was upset about… other things.’
Theo is staring at her, eyes as round and glossy as marbles as she straightens up. Niall exhales and locks the hen run, and Theo slips his small, cold hand into hers as the three turn back towards the cottage. ‘Oh, your slippers,’ Pearl murmurs, looking down at them.
‘They’re wet,’ Theo observes.
‘Yes, darling. But they’ll dry out.’
He seems reassured by this. Then: ‘I missed the Christmas party.’
‘I know, honey. It’s such a shame. But there’ll be other parties.’
‘I had a costume,’ he adds.
‘Yes, I know. But you can wear it next Christmas?—’
‘But what if I don’t want to be a pudding then?’ he exclaims, and Pearl catches Niall trying to trap in a smile.
‘Then you can come up with another brilliant idea!’ she announces. ‘I’m sure Daddy will be able to make whatever?—’
‘Areyoua mummy?’ he cuts in suddenly.
She smiles at that. ‘Yes, I am. I have a son called Brandon.’
‘How old is he?’
‘He’s twenty-one,’ she replies. ‘So all grown up.’ Earlier today she called him to dispatch the weather report. He sounded relieved that she was coming home. ‘How’s Abi?’ she asked, asshe has each time she’s called. Brandon muttered something unintelligible, seeming keen to finish the call, and with a niggle of unease, Pearl managed not to quiz him. Better to catch up face to face.
‘Brandon’s a nice name,’ Theo says now.
‘Thank you.’ She squeezes his hand gently. ‘I think it is too.’
Pearl senses him looking up at her, frowning. ‘Where’s Brandon’s daddy?’
Something catches in her throat as they stop. ‘Brandon’s daddy isn’t here any more,’ she replies. As they walk on through the melting snow, stepping around the puddles of slush, Niall puts an arm around her shoulders. She looks up at him and musters a smile.
It’s okay, his expression seems to tell her. Everything’s going to be okay.
Theo is still gazing up at her. ‘Did Brandon’s daddy die?’
A cool gust catches her throat and, for a moment, Pearl can hardly breathe. ‘Yes, Theo. He died.’
Then they walk on, and she worries now that she might have upset him. Will he be scared now that his own dad might die? Or his mum?
‘Is he in heaven?’ Theo asks.
Brandon asked this once, because at ten years old he still struggled with the concept that it might not exist. And Pearl gave him the answer that felt right.I’m not sure, darling. But he’s still here with us, even though we can’t see him.
