She turns to Lena, whose eyes are large and bright with excitement. But Shelley, she notices, looks a little tense. ‘You okay, Shell?’ she asks.
Shelley nods. ‘I’m fine.’ Then, after a pause: ‘I just… hope everything will be okay, y’know?’
Pearl frowns in concern. ‘What, here?’
‘No, at home.’ Shelley glances distractedly around the room. ‘I know what Joel’s like. He’ll be holed up in his studio the whole time I’m away. Living on beer and cereal, I’d imagine. I just hope he remembers he has kids.’
‘’Course he will,’ Lena says firmly. She winds an arm around her friend’s shoulders and pulls her close. ‘He’s perfectly capablewhen he wants to be. And really, what can go wrong in four days?’
10
If Joel ever feels guilty about what’s going on in his life, he’s come up with a nifty list to justify it. It’s not just a mental list, tucked away in his brain. He has actually typed it out in Times New Roman (italics), a pleasingly crisp yet classic font designed in the 1930s – a font which, irritatingly, Joel has yet to better. As well as being a graphic designer, Joel also fancies himself as a writer (all those years spent working on magazines) and a bit of a philosopher too. He enjoyed compiling the list and definitely felt better by the end of it. Stored on his Mac in his studio at the top of the house, it goes like this:
1. It doesn’t affect my family. I am still a good husband, a good dad.
2. If it wasn’t happening, I wouldn’t feel right. I’d be miserable and harder to be around. So really, Shelley and the kids benefit.
3. Because of this, I am actually nicer to Shelley than I might be otherwise. So again, she benefits.
4. Shell takes me for granted. Hardly ever interested in sex.
5. We only have one life to live and everyone owes it to themselves to squeeze the maximum fun and joy out of it. Once your one life is gone, it’s gone.
Joel was especially pleased with that one. He is thinking of creating a poster using those words.
6. I work so hard and funnel so much of my money into this family that I deserve some kind of reward.
And that’s it. That’s how Joel justifies his behaviour to himself. While he isn’t entirely sure that it would stand up in a court of law, he has played the scenario over and over numerous times since it all started six months ago, and the list always helps to settle his nerves.
That’s why he is re-reading it now, on a cold, wet Friday night in their little corner of east London. He is feeling antsy at being left in charge here, and is wondering if there’s anything else he can add to it.
Installed at his desk, on his fantastically expensive ergonomic chair, he glances down to assess the state of his stomach. There had been a bit of a paunch developing there, which Shelley had prodded at playfully. ‘It’s lovely,’ she insisted. ‘A lovely squidgy daddy-tum.’ She’d laughed and hoiked up his self-designed T-shirt (inspired by Soviet-era propaganda poster art) and blown a raspberry on it. But Joel doesn’t want a daddy-tum. And thankfully, due to his perpetually highly charged state – not to mention all the extra-curricular physical activity going on – things are definitely looking firmer in that region.
He starts to add another point to the list.
7. It motivates me to take care of myself and keep in shape. Another win for Shelley?—
‘Dad?’
Joel freezes as if the police had burst in. ‘Fin! What d’you want?’ He quickly minimises the document.
His son’s gaze shifts from the screen to his father’s perspiring face. ‘Nothing.’
Why are you creeping in here then?Joel wants to snap. Instead, he stands up and rotates his shoulders as if loosening the joints after a punishing evening’s work. Then he makes for the open-tread wooden stairs, hoping his son will follow in his slipstream.
‘What were you doing?’ Fin asks mildly as they trot downstairs.
‘Just working on some ideas for a project,’ Joel replies. When have his kids ever been remotely interested in what he does? He’s just the money machine here. As long as he keeps on landing lucrative jobs, no one cares.
‘What’s for dinner?’ Fin looks at him as they arrive at the kitchen.
‘Haven’t thought about it,’ Joel says tersely.
A silence hovers. ‘How long’s Mum away?’
‘Four nights. She’s back on Christmas Eve.’ Fin seems to pale and shrink into himself, as if this isn’t the news he wanted to hear. Joel isn’t best pleased either, although he plans to make the most of his relative freedom while Shelley is away.
‘Where’s she gone again?’ Fin asks. This is all very different, his dad being left in charge of things.
