Fiddling with a napkin, I take in Fergus’s rapt expression in the candlelight. Even if he totally goes off me after what I’m about to tell him, at least he’s listening. At least I’m beingheard.
‘I just met Alice at Euston station,’ I start. ‘And she thought I was the woman she’d booked to help her clear out the house. And I kind of went along with that. I don’t know why. I’d just walked out on Vince and I was swept along, and there we were on the train together with the dogs, and she really needed someone and...’ I break off suddenly. Tears are filling my eyes.
‘Hey, it’s okay!’ he exclaims.
‘And I needed someone too,’ I add.
His mouth twists, and he seems to digest this for a moment. Then he takes my hands in his across the table and just holds them. ‘Why didn’t you just say?’
‘Because I’m an idiot,’ I blurt out.
‘But you’re not, Kate. You’re so not an idiot. Please don’t say that. And anyway, maybe I knew something was a bit... off?’
I blink at him. ‘Really?’
Fergus shrugs. ‘I don’t know. Maybe. You just didn’t seem the type...’
‘What typedidI seem?’
‘I don’t know. Sort of... wild.’
‘Me? Wild?’ I say incredulously.
‘Yeah! Absolutely. Wild and brave and spontaneous. Like nothing can tie you down. I know you care deeply about people, and I hope you care about me...’
‘Of course I do!’
‘...but you also know your own mind, Kate. You left home because you weren’t happy. How many people wish they had the strength to do that?’ Briefly I think of Mum, ushering George and me onto that London-bound bus. Vince isn’t a bad person. He hadn’t punched the wall or thrown chartreuse creams across the room. But I wasn’t happy. I was lonely and sad – and now I’m not.
‘You’re strong and independent and nobody’s pushover,’ Fergus continues. ‘And I love that about you.’
I smile then, and wish we were in that little white bedroom above the bookshop and I could pull him into my arms. ‘I needed something different,’ I say simply. ‘From my old life, I mean.’
‘Yeah.’ He pauses. ‘And maybe I needed something too. And I didn’t realise that, because I’ve been wrapped up in my own stuff, with Liv and Finn and the shop and all that. That is, until I met you.’
I look across the flickering candle at his kind and handsome face. ‘I’m so glad,’ I murmur. ‘I’m so glad I met you too.’ His eyes seem to search mine and I want to lean over and kiss his beautiful mouth. I don’t of course. We just sit here, holding hands across the table; two people enjoying his fiftieth birthday and we don’t need to say a word.
Then finally, I smile and say, ‘Liv saidallthe courses.’
‘Oh God, yes!’ He laughs and lets my hands drop as a young waitress arrives at our table with dessert menus. ‘Would you like anything else?’ she asks.
‘We’ll have a look,’ I say, catching Fergus’s eye. Because tonight, I know we don’t really want panna cotta or tiramisu. We just want to go back to that little flat above the shop. We want to be together, and spend the night there, and I don’t know if that’s wrong or not.
‘Erm, I think I’m all done actually.’ Fergus catches my eye over his menu.
I try to keep down my smile, but it’s impossible. ‘Yes, I’m not sure I could manage anything else,’ I say. So we thank the waitress, who assures us that the bill is all sorted, and hope we won’t be in trouble with Liv for skipping dessert. Then we step outside into the cool dark night.
‘So, where to now?’ Fergus asks.
I look up at him and lean into the warmth of his body as he wraps a strong arm around me. Even through the layers of a jacket and sweater I can feel the thud of his heart. ‘Oh,’ I say lightly, smiling now, ‘I think we should just go home.’
He pulls back, his eyes glinting with amusement. ‘I’m glad it feels like home.’
‘It really does,’ I say as we start to walk, hand in hand, along the sleepy high street, past the souvenir shops and newsagent and cafés. Then my phone rings, and I stop.
Fergus frowns as I fish it from my bag.Vince?his concerned look says.
But it’s not Vince. It’s Deborah. What doesshewant?
