‘A model? Wow!’ Liv exclaims. She has a finely boned face with defined high cheekbones and full, pink lips. Her eyes are the same soft bluey-grey as her dad’s.
‘Yeah. She was doing really well too, but that all stopped,’ I tell her. ‘She was happy, though, I think. But she was the only one in her group to have a baby so that was hard.’
‘Yeah, it is.’ Liv nods and presses her lips together. Without warning her eyes fill with tears.
‘Liv, are you okay?’ All of sudden I want to pull this girl in for a hug. I don’t, of course. She might not be the huggy type and, besides, I barely know her.
‘I’m fine, honestly.’ She blinks them away quickly. ‘Just a bit drunk.’
‘Well, it’s been a big important night...’
‘It’s just, I wasn’t prepared for it, y’know? What it’d really be like. How hard it is...’
‘I can imagine,’ I murmur. A small pause settles. Fergus has been a while, I realise. The pub’s probably packed – or maybe he’s got chatting in there. ‘And you’re working in the shop too,’ I add.
‘Uh-huh. That was Dad’s idea to give me a break from the baby. Rory’s pretty good. A good dad, I mean. He does his share. But Dad thought it’d be a good idea for me to do something else too. ’Cause it was all getting a bit much for me—’ Her eyes fill up again and she blinks the wetness away. ‘Sorry! I’m really going on, aren’t I?’
‘You’re fine,’ I assure her, suspecting she misses having her mum around, now more than ever.
She smiles, pushing back the long dark hair that’s brushing her cheek. ‘I feel bad,’ she adds. ‘About Dad, I mean.’
‘Why?’ I ask in surprise.
‘He’s so kind,’ she announces, meeting my gaze directly. ‘He’s, like, the kindest man I know...’ As if to reassure herself that he’s not within earshot, she glances towards the pub’s doorway. ‘And he’s paying me to work for him, of course. So I should be grateful...’
‘Sounds like there’s a “but”,’ I suggest, and she nods.
‘Yeah.’ Her mouth twists. ‘I hate it.’
‘Really? Working in the shop, you mean?’ I picture her sullen face that first day I ventured in, and the doughnut jam spurting.
‘I don’t mean I hate the shop,’ she says quickly. ‘It’s a lovely shop. Dad’s worked so hard to build it up...’
‘But... you don’t want to be there?’
‘Yeah. No. No, I don’t. Finn’s only just turned one. He’s my baby and I want to be with him. It was hard at first, and I had postnatal depression and I couldn’t handle the crying and how you never get a break. So working with Dad seemed like a great idea. An escape, you know? Just for a few hours.’ She pauses. ‘But I’m much better now. I’mfine.And I don’t want to be in the shop—’ She breaks off again, pulling a mock-fearful face. ‘Don’t tell him I said that, will you?’
‘Of course not. But why don’tyoutell him?’ I ask, genuinely confused. From what I’ve seen of Fergus he seems like an understanding, supportive dad.
‘Because he’s always saying what a difference I’ve made, and how much it helps him, with me being there,’ Liv continues. ‘After Helen left he’d have to shut the shop every time he needed to drive somewhere to pick up books from a house clearance or whatever. Or he’d have to do all that in the evenings or on Sundays when the shop’s shut. He was always either working or driving or lugging boxes about. He was running things all by himself...’
‘You mean heneedsyou?’ I offer.
‘Well... yeah.’ Liv nods, and I wonder how to phrase what I want to say.
‘I’m sure he values you,’ I start, ‘and you’regreatin the shop. But why not just explain all of this to your dad?’
She looks tentative. ‘You think so?’
An image forms in my mind then, of me, climbing out of the bathroom window in Sycamore Grove on a wet Sunday night, and walking to town and boarding that bus – because somehow I knew it was what I needed to do. ‘I do, honestly. Really, Liv. Life’s too short to not be doing what you want to be doing—’
Fergus appears then, and places our drinks on the table. ‘Sorry I’ve been so long.’
‘You were talking to everyone,’ Liv chastises him. ‘You left Kate all alone!’
He laughs and hands her her Coke, and I hope he hasn’t noticed my face flushing. ‘See you later, then.’ Liv jumps up, and turns to me. ‘And thanks.’
‘See you, Liv,’ I call after her as she hurries off.
