‘Erm, I’ve just come out of a bar,’ I say.
‘You sound merry,’ she remarks with a chuckle.
‘You mean pissed?’
‘Just a bit tipsy,’ she says. ‘I am too.’
‘So it was fun, then, the pub?’
‘It was,’ she says. ‘Quite a crowd there, but you know what was the best part?’
‘What?’ I ask.
‘Seeing Charlie with Kim and Lorenzo’s girls. Remy too, and his girlfriend, all on a table together – the young ones’ table.’ She pauses. ‘You know what Charlie’s like …’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen him truly happy like that, having a laugh with his mates.’
‘That’s great,’ I say, thinking of Esther, who never seems to mention those old friends of hers anymore –Gracie and Jess who used to come over all the time – or to laugh for that matter. When did I last see my daughter laughing?
Two young women totter past me in sequinned dresses. I note their bare arms and legs and realise that, if I was their dad, I’d have suggested tights and a cardigan at the very least or, better still, a warm coat. ‘It’s December!’ I want to shout after them. What’s the point of checking the weather on your phone (rather than looking out of the window) if you’re not going to dress appropriately for it? What’s with this dogged desire to avoid being warm, dry and comfortable?
‘So, was your night fun?’ Lauren asks now.
‘It was okay.’
‘Oh. That sounds ominous.’
‘You don’t want to hear it all now. I’ll tell you about it when I see you …’
‘Okay,’ she says. ‘And you went on to a bar?’
‘Yeah.’ I weigh up whether to omit the fact that I was in there alone, necking gin, which I don’t even drink normally. But it all comes out; about those boys hassling Esther and how bad I’d felt, that I hadn’t been there for her, and couldn’t make things better.
‘James, you really care about her,’ Lauren insists. ‘You do your best but sometimes things happen that are out of your control. I mean, you can’t be everywhere, no matter how much you’d like to be. So you mustn’t blame yourself.’ How did I find this wise and caring woman? ‘I’m sorry your night’s been a washout,’ she adds.
‘Oh, that’s all right. It was just important to Rhona for us all to get together …’
‘I think it’s great that you and Rhona still get along,’ she continues. ‘I mean, tons of couples don’t. You should give yourself credit for that …’
‘You think so?’ I don’t mention how annoyed I’d been with her tonight.
‘Of course I do,’ she says with a note of surprise. ‘I know you don’t agree on everything but you’re still a team, aren’t you? I haven’t spoken to Frank in years. And I don’t think I ever want to.’
‘I am so glad we’re going away together,’ I blurt out, ‘just the two of us.’
‘Me too. I can’t wait.’ A pause. ‘Where are you now?’
‘Just about to head home. Someone’s just walked past wearing a Christmas tree,’ I add. ‘A kind of conical thing, suspended from her neck and covered in fairy lights.’
She laughs. ‘Oh, I wish I was there with you. But I’d better get some sleep. I’m up at the crack of dawn tomorrow …’
‘Feeding the masses,’ I say. ‘Well, have a brilliant day.’
‘You too. I really hope it’s okay, James.’ I smile at that. It will be okay, I decide, even though it feels like my family is falling to pieces and Esther won’t be there. It occurs to me that Icouldchange my plans, and go to Lauren’s for Christmas Day after all – but after not being able to join her on Christmas Eve I don’t want to mess her around anymore. I mean, I can’t just invite myself at the last minute. Anyway, it’ll be fine at Rhona and Luc’s, because it always is. It’s become our custom. And once we’ve got through it, and I’ve downed several of Luc’s experimental cocktails and nearly taken my eye out with a sprig of burning sage – well, there’s Cornwall to look forward to. Me and Lauren off-grid.
And that’s why, as we say goodnight, I feel so happy – albeit pretty drunk too. How is it possible that someone can lift you like this? Two hours ago I was sitting with my crying daughter and my ex-wife nagging me to try something made out of duck blood.
