Actually, when I think about it, we’re not in touch nearly as much as we were at the start. But that doesn’t mean anything, does it? When we do speak, we agree that we must see each other as much as possible over Christmas, because on the big day itself we’ll be with our own families. Lauren will spend it with Charlie, of course, plus Kim, Lorenzo and their twin daughters, as is their custom. I’ll spend it at Rhona and Luc’s, with Esther – although I gather there’s a bit of drama going on because Miles wants Esther to stay home with him this year. And Esther has been trying to persuade Miles to be with us for Christmas, which Rhona is fine about. (‘We can’t ban ourdaughter’s boyfriend, James! Not very festive, is it?’) It’s pretty exhausting and I’m actually a little envious of Lauren’s relatively simple set-up.
‘It wasn’t like this in Corsica, was it?’ she remarks when we speak one evening. Ithinkshe’s smiling, that she means it wryly and isn’t becoming tired of our cancelled dates.
‘No, but that wasn’t our real lives,’ I remind her.
‘Oh. Is real life different then?’ A small silence falls.
‘You know what I mean. We had nothing else to think about then …’
‘Yeah, you’re right.’ Her tone softens. ‘I kind of liked our Corsica life, though,’ she adds. ‘Didn’t you?’
‘Of course I did. It was wonderful,’ I say truthfully.
‘Can we get that back again, James? D’you think it’s possible?’ She sounds hesitant.
‘’Course we can,’ I say firmly. ‘It’s just life and Christmas coming up. All that stuff. Things’ll be normal again soon, I promise.’
I mean that, and I believe it. And I hope she believes it too.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
ESTHER
Next time her dad’s going to Lauren’s, Esther asks if she can come too. She sees him hesitate, as if he’s thinking,I was hoping we’d have some time alone this weekend.Esther really can read him that well. But then, Charlie’s usually around when he’s there, isn’t he? So why shouldn’t she be there too? ‘I could just do with getting out of town for the day,’ Esther adds. ‘I’ll get a late train home.’
Of course he says that’s fine because he’s concerned about her relationship with Miles. She only has to hint that things aren’t one hundred per cent okay and her dad will pretty much do what she wants.
In fact, Esther has stacked up a whole bunch of reasons why she wants to go to Lauren’s this weekend. Firstly, Miles has been caning it with his friends lately, crashing in at all hours, waking her up with his stinky breath and clammy hands all over her. She’s not keen on clubbing with him after the last time, and he accuses her of being boring for not wanting to go out. In fact, Esther does want to go out – to nice restaurants, the movies or even a proper grown-up party. She doesnotwant his mateKevin roaring at her over the music, spraying spit and never wiping that gunk from the corners of his mouth. It makes her want to vomit. Nor does she want Miles staggering in at 4.30 a.m. and peeing into her T-shirt drawer, thinking it’s the loo, as happened earlier this week.
It’s pretty grim, frankly. She hasn’t admitted this to anyone – not even to Chrissie. She can’t bear to admit that she loves someone who behaves like this. But, while Miles is in this phase, she needs to get away from him once in a while.
The other reason she wants to go is that it’s still worrying her, how her dad seems so besotted. It’s all Lauren-this, Lauren-that. Esther has literally never seen him like this in her life, and feels she should step in a bit. Not as a chaperone, that would be ridiculous – but to dilute things a little. And to remind him that he has other people in his life.
Is this selfish of her, Esther wonders? Probably – a bit. For a while she was scared she was ‘losing’ him to this woman he just happened to meet on holiday. Esther doesn’t feel like that now. She’s tested him several times, by suddenly ‘needing’ to spend time at his place. And he’s always cancelled his plans with his girlfriend and put her first. However, in tagging along this weekend she hopes to stop things from getting too intense. Esther would hate to see her dad getting hurt, or the relationship affecting his work and the rest of his life – i.e. hisfamily life.
And now, as they arrive at Lauren’s on a crisp and sparkly December morning, Esther realises there’s another reason why she wanted to come today.
To hang out with Charlie again.
*
‘Hey!’ she says when he comes out of his room. They have a quick, slightly awkward hug, and she asks again how his exam prep’s going, and of course he plays down how hard he’s working. She still doesn’t know much about him, although she did ask her dad about Charlie’s dad, and he said he’s a fashion photographer, that he lives in New York, that he was a bit wild in his time but he’s probably straightened up now.
Of course Esther googled him. She doesn’t know why Charlie’s dad is so interesting to her; he justis.There was lots of his work online from years back, but nothing recent that she could find, and not much about the man himself. It doesn’t feel right to ask Charlie about him today. It might be a sensitive topic and she wouldn’t want to pry.
Laurenand her dad have been drinking coffee in the garden, wrapped up in winter sweaters and scarves, and nowLauren has appeared in the kitchen. ‘The light’s lovely out there, Esther,’ she says. ‘Fancy doing some more pictures?’
‘Are you sure?’ Esther asks, as if the possibility hadn’t occurred to her.
‘Yes, of course!’ As they head outside and start to shoot, Esther finds herself wishing again that there’d been boys like Charlie at Willow Vale, who’d wanted to pass their exams, go to university and study astrophysics.
‘How did it go?’ he asks when the shoot is over.
‘Really good,’ Esther replies. ‘Want to see the pictures?’ Maybe it’s silly to ask, as he’s into stars and planets and all that – not photos for Instagram. But he nods and seems keen, so they sit and scroll through them.
‘They’re great,’ he says. ‘Amazing.’
Esther smiles. ‘Your mum does a good job, y’know.’
