Of course he was probably picking up on my mood. I felt… discombobulated. That was the best word for it. Last night had been the best night of my life. Hanging out drinking beer, sharing Chinese food, eating Snickers and talking while we played cards was fun. Snuggling together after having life-changing sex? Fun didn’t even begin to describe it. I’d felt a sense of contentment that I’d never experienced before.
But then morning came, and I watched the county crew pull that tree off Livi’s mangled car before I drove her home to some hugemansion that made every other house I’d seen look like a shack. It was like a bucket of cold water to the face. We didn’t just come from different worlds, we can from different universes. I would never fit into Livi’s life. If I’d needed a reminder, the distasteful look that her mother had sent me did the job.
Why couldn’t Livi just be a normal person with a normal job? Of all the thousands of women in Seattle, why did I have to fall in love with a bona fide heiress, someone with more money than God?
I plopped dejectedly on the couch, remembering my ex-girlfriend, Savannah. I’d started dating her the summer after high school. She was four years older than me, beautiful and sophisticated, and I’d been excited to have my first real girlfriend. She’d just moved from San Francisco with her parents, and her dad was a CEO at one of the big tech companies that were based in Seattle.
I loved her with the intensity that comes with experiencing your first romantic love. When Savannah dragged me to the country club and art openings, I thought she was trying to expand my horizons. And maybe she was, but she also had a bad habit of saying things like, “Oh just wear anything, it doesn’t matter” and then criticizing whatever I ended up wearing.
I’d grown up middle class, with a mother who went to work in overalls and a father who spent most of his time staring at numbers. I had no idea what to wear to the opera and when I asked for suggestions she’d just blow me off. It was like she enjoyed making me feel humiliated.
Then the ‘helpful advice’ started.
“You should get a manicure, your nails are atrocious… Can’t you do anything with that hair? Maybe you should see the guy at my salon… Didn’t your mother ever teach you what fork to use at dinner?... You’re bringing your pick-up truck to the country club? How embarrassing.”
Savannah’s mother wasn’t any better. She’d often make digs about my being raised in a barn or why my mother didn’t teach me to be a lady.
Our relationship blew up after eighteen months together. Savannah invited me to come to a ‘garden party’ at her family’s home. Having no idea what that meant, I asked for clarification. She shrugged dismissively and said, “Wear what you’d wear to a pool party or a cookout with your other friends.”
So I had. I arrived wearing cutoff jeans, a bikini, and an open shirt, flip flops on my feet. As I walked through the house, I noticed a few startled looks from the household staff but dismissed them. Until I walked out to the patio to see all the women wearing nice sundresses and sandals and all the men wearing linen suits.
Savannah had practically sprinted across the yard, clearly as horrified as the guests. Dragging me into the kitchen, we’d had a huge fight.
“Why couldn’t you wear something nice?” she’d yelled at me. “And why is your hair in braids like you’re a kindergartener at the zoo?”
I broke up with her on the spot, angry with myself that I hadn’t done it sooner.
Even though I knew logically that not every rich person was as snobby and judgmental as Savannah and her family, ever since then I’d taken great care to only date women from my own socioeconomic group.
Over the years I’d also come to realize that Savannah was borderline abusive, taking great pleasure in making me feel bad about myself, making me feel less than her. The little back-handed compliments that were really digs at me, the criticisms couched as helpful advice, the way she knew I didn’t know things like how to dress for a garden party but acted like I should, even when I asked for advice. In retrospect I couldn’t believe I’d put up with that.
On the other hand, Livi had never treated me like that. Then again, we’d only been in my territory. We’d never spent any time together outside the Victorian. I remembered the first day I met her when she bragged about her ridiculous shoes.
Her turning out to be a hard worker who wanted to learn, and the way she fit in with the crew had all been a surprise, but all that told me was that Livi was adaptable. How would she feel if I showed up to some fancy event in cut-offs? I didn’t want to datesomeone where I had to worry about appearances when we went out together.
Livi only had one more week of community service. My best strategy would be to act like nothing happened between us and wait her out. She’d go back to her regular life and forget all about me. And things would go back to normal. Kind of.
Leo must have forgiven me, or maybe he was picking up on my sadness, because he jumped up on the couch and rubbed against me. He was all orange with some lighter orange stripes, and I’d named him Leo because he reminded me of a fierce little lion. I stroked his soft fur and tried not to be depressed about the futility of having feelings for Livi.
It was hard though.
By the time Monday morning rolled around, I was cranky. I’d slept terribly all weekend, spending way too much time staring at the ceiling and daydreaming about Livi. A few times I’d considered pulling out my vibrator and taking the edge off, but I decided against it. Cold turkey was the best approach to get over this inconvenient crush.
It’s way more than a crush, you love her,the little voice in my head protested. I ignored it.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t ignore Livi. She arrived bright and early Monday morning driving another cute little sports car.
“Did you get a new car Livi?” Jose asked.
Livi’s eyes went right to mine before she answered. “No, it’s a rental. A tree fell on my other car.”
The guys were full of questions as we explained what happened, and how we’d camped out in the Victorian.
“I’m sorry to say that the boss lady knows about the beer fridge,” she told the guys, her expression teasing and light. “It was desperate times and we needed a drink.”
“No problem Livi,” Barney said. “We’ll wait for Sam to forget about it and find another hiding place.”
I shook my head in exasperation. “How about you all stop gossiping like old ladies and get to work.”
