A sharp cramp nearly buckled my knees, but I forced myself to keep moving, stumbling down the hall while silently convincing myself it was just a little farther. I could see the door to my nest ahead.
Just a few more feet.
Relief almost dropped me to the floor when I finally reached it. With shaking hands, I shoved the door open. The scent that greeted me was mine, and that was when the tears finally broke free.
One last chance, my omega practically demanded. I obliged her, pulling out my phone to call, even though I already knew the outcome.
My fingers shook as I started dialing. My heart splintered into a million pieces as it rang endlessly. I hung up and called the next name, giving each of them one final chance. My heart and omega prayed they would answer this time.
Maybe they would finally make this right.
They knew my heat was coming. It was on our shared calendar, and I reminded them on the phone only a week ago. Their manager interrupted that call like he always did, but it was no excuse. They probably had no idea, even though my heat came like clockwork twice a year.
I spent years making excuses in my head for men who didn’t deserve them.
My strength gave out as the last call went to voicemail. I collapsed to the floor of my nest, curling into a ball as the pain crashed over me. Bile rose in my throat, but I didn’t let it break free… not that I’d eaten enough for it to matter.
Truth be told, I hadn’t done enough to take care of myself. It felt pointless. I should have never trusted hockey players with my heart.
Apparently, my parents’ relationship was the exception. They spent years balancing careers and pack life, and they never once neglected my mom.
My brother and me? A little. They were very absorbed in each other, and we were along for the ride. That didn’t mean I felt unloved.
Not like this. The pain I felt now was incomparable. It was the final dying breath of a pack. We had five amazing years in the beginning. The honeymoon stage that seemed like everything was perfect gave way to silence.
I grew up in the hockey world; I knew what I was signing on for. These stretches, however, were not how hockey packs were supposed to be. They could have a career and a pack. The AHA had ensured that was possible.
This was a choice only my pack made. They chose a sport over their mate.
My chest cracked wide open as that realization sank into my bones. It fundamentally changed me and my omega.
How could we trust anyone again? We knew how it felt to be on top of the world, then how jarring it was when that light slowly faded into darkness.
Maybe my pack was never as worthy as I thought they were.
My body ached from head to toe. I curled tighter into a ball, trying to breathe through the fresh wave of warmth and pain, but it was all too much. My mind started to fog as the heat took hold.
The heartbreak hurt almost as badly as my body at this point.
In my mind, I could see my pack. I could feel their touches. We spent so long together that it was ingrained in me, yet now I wasn’t sure I ever really knew them.
Because the men I bonded with, the ones I gave my life to, wouldneverlet me hurt like this.
I couldn’t remember the last real date we went on. The last day we spent together seemed so far away now. Five minute phone calls every few weeks weren’t enough for any omega. I had no clue how they justified it, but I knew I no longer trusted them. Not with my heart or my heat.
My pack took everything from me. I followed them to college, stuck around through the early grueling years of hockey, supported them in everything they did. When they insisted I take the first few years off from work so we could focus on our pack, I listened.
Now, I just wanted to go back home to my family. First thing I would do when I got home would be to get on blockers. I never wanted to go through another heat like this again.
The fog finally descended completely. Pain exploded through me, swallowing everything else. All I knew was an aching emptiness, and something inside of me slowly shifting.
There was nothing I could do to stop it. There was no way to fix this now.
I prayed they would prove me wrong. Even if they showed up late, at least they’d be here. They could take care of me, the way they promised they always would.
That hope slowly died as I passed out from the pain.
Days dragged by as my consciousness faded in and out, my omega never feeling safe enough to truly give into the heat. I endured pain I couldn’t escape.
