The monk leaves after a short while and returns with a tray that holds a big cup of a dark, foul-smelling tea. I sit up, ready to protest that I’m not thirsty, when I realize what this is.
This is the drink. The poison. Kalos and Omos must have talked about it while I was asleep.
I sit up, and when the monk gently offers the cup to me, I take it. The drink is so dark and inky that it looks like a pool of onyx. I hold it in my hands. “Thank you.”
“Magra’s blessing be with you,” Omos says in a soft voice. “I’ll leave you both to your privacy.”
He heads out of the field, the goats trailing after him to go into the barn. I glance up at the sky and realize the sun is setting. The day went by so very quickly, but I can’t be sad about any of it. It was just the nicest time. I stare down at the drink, hesitating. “Is it stupid to say I’m scared?”
“Of course you’re scared, Elsie.” Kalos touches my arm, reassuring me. “But I’m right here with you. The tea is the strongest plant that won’t hurt you going down. I made sure of that. It’ll put you to sleep and you’ll feel nothing else. When you wake up again, you’ll be with me, in my realm.”
Except I won’t. I lick my dry lips. Ineedto tell him. But I’ve waited so long that telling him just as I slurp down poison would be the biggest asshole move. I bank on the hope that he’ll forget about me once he returns home to his realm and settles back into his godhood again.Please, let him forget. I’m not doing this to hurt him.
With a deep breath, I lift the cup to my lips and drink. There’s a bitter, strange flavor, but it’s been sweetened with honey and goes down easily. I drink it all, right down to the dregs, and set the cup down on the blankets. Looking up at Kalos, his green eyes are so full of emotion that it snatches my breath away. I spread my arms, wanting my last moments to be a hug.
He pulls me into his embrace, and I burrow closer, curling up against him like a kitten. Kalos strokes my hair. “Don’t be afraid, Elsie. I’m right here.”
“I’m not,” I say, wondering how long it’ll take to go to sleep. My tongue is coated with honey, but I don’t feel tired just yet. Just…weary. My headache is returning, but it can wait. “Talk to me.”
“About what?”
I consider this. We’ve talked of endless nothings all day,but I want more of him. “Tell me something no one else would know. Tell me your earliest memory.”
His fingers drift through my hair, my nose buried against his throat. “I don’t remember much before the High Father tapped me. I had a life before, but I recall very little of it. Ascending plays havoc with your memories.”
Good. Let it always be like that. Let him not remember me.
“I recall standing next to my brother in front of the High Father, being so very proud that I’d been chosen to become a god. I remember the High Father saying that there were too many mortals for him to watch over all aspects of their lives, so he was creating gods to handle different facets of existence, to assist in tending to humanity. How proud I was.” He makes a noise in his throat, almost like a laugh, and his fingers brush against my scalp. “Then he assigned me disease, the worst of all the jobs. I felt such…disappointment in that moment. Like I was being punished instead of rewarded.”
“It might not be what you wanted, but you can make it worth something. You can start over. We all can.”
This time, he really does chuckle. “My sunshine, this is an ironic thing to hear from a woman that just drank poison.”
I don’t lift my head. It’s too comfortable in the crook of his neck, feeling the vibrations in his throat when he speaks. “You know what I mean.”
“Aye, I do.” His hand rubs up and down my spine. “And I will. With you at my side, everything is going to be different. I’m no longer…alone.”
An uneasy feeling starts in the pit of my stomach.
“I never realized how much I needed someone that truly understands me. That sees the bright side in things even when there isn’t one. Someone that never views me as the enemy. You’re exactly what I’ve always been looking for, Elsie.”
Hot tears flood my eyes. I need to tell him. I need to tell him everything. “Kalos…”
He presses a kiss to my brow. “Was today what you wanted, sunshine?”
I’m a coward to the end. It’s easier to let the sleepiness working its way over me make the decision on my behalf.
“It was the best day,” is all I say.
He holdsme right until the very end.
Chapter
Forty-Five
Alighter clicks.
I open my eyes, and Lachesis lights a cigarette in front of my face. “Shitty move, my friend.”
