Everett receives a judicial robe and gavel and frowns. “I’m not sure this is appropriate judicial attire.”
“That’s exactly the point!” Muffin claps her hands together. “We’re going for fantasy justice—all the authority, none of the boring legal precedents!”
Everett lifts a brow my way. We may have let a few of those judicial fantasies fly in the bedroom but never in the public sphere, let alone for the sake of thousands of women everywhere to hang on their walls for posterity.
Carlotta settles herself on a nearby hay bale because, let’s face it, she’s just been given a front-row seat to the entertainment event of the century.
“Well, well, well,” she purrs, crossing her legs. “Christmas came early this year. And it’s wielding badges and gavels.”
“And not much else,” I’m quick to point out, much to Noah’s and Everett’s chagrin.
Muffin belts out a maniacal laugh. “Let’s start with some fully clothed shots,” Muffin suggests, easing them into whatever artistic vision she’s cultivated. “Just to get comfortable with the poses.”
Both men reluctantly don their respective costumes and strike poses that look like they’re being held hostage by a camera while Muffin snaps photos with the enthusiasm of documenting rare phenomena. And let’s face it, to have Noah and Everett half-dressed in the same room is a pretty rare occurrence. Or sometimes your average weeknight at my house in the summer. It can get pretty darn hot in Honey Hollow in July. And I say thank goodness for mercury rising. Not that they’ve shed an ounce of clothing yet, but I have a feeling we’re getting to the good part.
“Perfect!” Muffin is quick to encourage them. “Now, a little more brooding, Everett. Think about justice! Think about right and wrong!”
“I am thinking about right and wrong,” Everett mutters, “and this definitely falls into the latter category.”
“Noah, hold that magnifying glass up!” Muffin calls out. “You’re searching for clues! You’re on the trail of a dangerous criminal!”
“I’m starting to think the most dangerous criminal here is you,”Noah is only half-teasing as he adjusts his deerstalker hat with resigned professionalism.
Lenny’s mane puffs up as he gives a little roar. “The male peacock displays his plumage with more conviction than this. Tell them to put a little oomph into it. They’re representing an entire species, you know.”
I’m not saying a word.
“And now,” Muffin announces with the kind of theatrical pause that suggests she’s been building up to this moment, “let’s get a little more...artistic. Feel free to disrobe as far as you’re comfortable!”
Both men freeze with expressions that suggest they’ve just been informed they’re about to undergo involuntary medical procedures.
“Disrobe?” Everett repeats carefully.
“How far is comfortable?” Noah asks with suspicion.
Funny, neither of them is this reluctant around me. If I say drop your drawers, drawers are dropping.
“Oh, you know,” Muffin waves dismissively. “Just enough to show off those magnificent physiques! Nothing inappropriate, just... suggestive.”
Carlotta perks up. “Now we’re talking! Drop ’em and show us what ya got, Foxy and Sexy!”
“I’m not sure this is what we agreed to,” Everett says, but he’s already looking at Noah with the competitive expression of someone who’s not about to be outdone by his nemesis.
“It’s for charity,” Noah points out, though his tone suggests he’s trying to convince himself as much as anyone else.
“Exactly!” Muffin beams. “And charity requires sacrifice. In this case, the sacrifice of a few articles of clothing for the greater good.”
Noah and Everett exchange a look. Both men stand perfectly still for approximately thirty seconds, hoping this situation will resolve itself through sheer force of will.
“Well?” Muffin prompts cheerfully with her camera poised and ready.
Everett clears his throat, and that look on his face suggests he’s justbeen given a life sentence. “Perhaps we could start with something minimal.”
“Very minimal,” Noah agrees, tugging at his collar as if he’s just realized he’s made a terrible mistake but is too proud to back down.
Both men reach for their watches simultaneously, remove them with the careful precision usually reserved for defusing explosives, and place them on a nearby fence post.
“Excellent!” Muffin chirps. “But I think we can do better!”
