“Joan knows about you,” he said. “She has known about you from the time Elisabeth began showing.”
Alana stared in surprise.
“She was not pleased. Her father was furious, and so was my father, the earl.” He rubbed his face then. “I had to confess that the child was mine, but there were rumors—we were not discreet.” He stopped. “I wanted to be with your mother, but it was not to be.”
She trembled. He had not been able to defy his father, the earl, she thought. Had he even tried?
“I wish Elisabeth had lived, not for my sake, but for yours—to take proper care of you. Thank God for Lady Fitzhugh.”
Alana began to understand. There had been no question of his breaking his impending union off with Joan.
“I wish I could have given you a different life,” he said, looking at the table.
“But you could not.” As she spoke, she thought about the intervening years. His father had died years ago. He could have come forward since then, to claim her and give her a better life.
“I hope you will one day understand.”
“I do understand,” she said, proudly lifting her chin. His duty had been to his other family, not to her. He had cared about his other family, not her. He had not had the will to defy his father, or now, his brother. “If Iain of Islay accepts, will you agree to his marriage to Margaret?” She did not even have to ask—of course he would, even if he did not like it. He would obey his brother, the way he had once obeyed his father.
“Yes,” he said. “I know you are upset, and you need a husband of your own. If you please my brother, it will be arranged. He has told me as much.”
Her stomach churned. “Yes, I must give him a pleasing vision, and he will even return Brodie to me.”
Sir Alexander reached out and laid his hand on her shoulder. “It is important that you please the earl. It is important that we all please him,” he said.
Alana pulled away and stared. “So you fear him?”
“He is our liege lord. We are bound to obey him. And, Alana, he can give you the life you deserve.”
Alana studied him. It was very hard to stand still, to keep her expression impassive. “So I must please him, and he will reward me for doing so.”
“Yes. You must seek out these visions. You must do your best.”
Alana somehow nodded. More hurt stabbed through her. “I will try, Sir Alexander.”
* * *
WHENALANAREACHEDher chamber, Eleanor gave her one look and pulled her into her arms. “I am not going to cry,” Alana whispered, her face against her chest.
“Oh, my poor dear,” Eleanor said.
Alana pulled away, wiping her eyes with the hem of her sleeve. She sat down on her bed. “My father wishes for me to have a vision. Is that why he is here? Of course it is!” she cried.
Eleanor sat down beside her. “Alana, I do not want to ever speak ill of him.”
“He loves my sisters! That much is clear! But he has never cared enough to come to see me, except now, when Buchan needs a vision from me.” She swiped at more tears.
“If it helps at all, I agree with you—but not completely. I think Sir Alexander would love you, too, if he were allowed to.”
Alana turned to her. “What does that mean?”
Eleanor sighed. “Joan hated Elisabeth. How could she not? They were cousins, and Elisabeth took her betrothed as her lover.”
“So my mother was the harlot Duncan has always accused her of being?”
“I did not say that.” Eleanor put her arm around her. “You know as well as I do that life is complicated. Your mother loved my son. She grieved for a long time when he died. When she met your father, he was such a handsome and dashing young knight. He made her smile for the first time in a year....” Eleanor smiled at the memory.
Alana sighed. How could she judge her mother now? But she very much wanted to judge her father. “Buchan is going to offer my sister to Iain.”
