He debated knocking, thought about catching her in her bath, and as relish replaced the guilt, he walked in unannounced. But Virginia lay in bed in her childish nightgown and wrapper, reading a book.
She smiled a little at him. It was forlorn. “I’m sorry. I am not joining you for supper. I’m afraid I have no appetite.” Apparently she was no longer furious with him.
He paused at the foot of the bed. The gown might be childish, but he knew every inch of the perfect body that lay beneath, a body that belonged to a woman. “Are you ill?”
“No.” She carefully closed the book. “You never loved her, did you?”
He hardly wished to discuss Elizabeth with her now. “No.”
“Was she also a part of your revenge?”
“Yes.” He felt himself grimace.
She inhaled, paling. “That’s disgusting, Devlin, horrid and disgusting.”
“Is it?” He grew angry then. “She enjoyed every moment in my bed. There was no pretense, no insincerity, no promise on my part! She dared to cross the line—a line I made clear—she dared to fall in love. I am sorry she did, I am sorry if I hurt her, but I do not apologize for what I did. Eastleigh deserves everything I can do and more!”
“Then why don’t you simply murder him, as two wrongs make a right, and end this stupidity once and for all!” she cried, sitting up straighter. Her small bosom rose and fell and her cheeks flushed.
“I thought about it,” he said, hoping to shock her, and he knew he did. “But a long time ago I decided death was too good for him.”
“So you think to make him suffer.” She shook her head as if she could not fathom it, him. “Please tell me that you genuinely feel guilty for using Elizabeth the way that you did.”
“But I don’t. I was not her first lover, Virginia, I was not her first adulterous affair. She wanted my attentions and made that abundantly clear. It was little different from our bargain, Virginia.” He knew he glowered at her. It was becoming harder and harder to play poker with her as he did with the rest of the world. Virginia somehow triggered reactions in him—and feelings—that no one else could.
That was distinctly disturbing.
“It was vastly different because you knew she had feelings, and dear God, it’s been six years. You made love to that woman for six years!” she cried, two pinks spots coloring her cheeks.
“I never made love to her or anyone,” he said, and the moment he spoke, he was ashamed.
She was pale and she lifted her chin and held her head high. “Of course you haven’t,” she whispered.
He knew he had wounded her and he hated it. He hated that fact and the fact that he had been the one to take her innocence and teach her passion, and he hated that she had to be so vulnerable now. But what he hated most was that she wanted him to make love to her and he knew it beyond any doubt.But love was not for him.And what he also hated as passionately was that she had somehow made him even think this last, terrible thought. “Virginia, we have a bargain, my friendship for your charade.”
She stared.
“Do not think of asking for something more, something I cannot—will not—ever give,” he warned her now, deliberate and purposeful. He gripped the footboard with one hand. His knuckles turned white.
“I only asked you for your friendship, Devlin. You are deluded if you think I want more than that. I mean, what more could I possibly—sanely—want from a man who has abducted and imprisoned me?”
Her pride had always impressed him. Now it also relieved him. “Tomorrow we are going to London,” he began.
“No. I beg to point out a fact. You have been so busy parading me about as your mistress that you have failed utterly to be any kind of friend. Sharing supper does not count as friendship, especially when you brood over your wine and glower at the food.”
He started, then controlled the smile that wanted to come to his face. “You are right,” he said, relieved now and surprising them both.
“You admit this has been quite a one-sided bargain?”
“I do.”
Her eyes widened and her face softened and a sparkle appeared in her eyes. “So what are you going to do about it, Captain?” she teased.
His heart leapt strangely. “When we get to London, I will take you shopping, to a fair, to the theatre, perhaps even to the racetrack, and we will rectify this vast injustice,” he said, feeling himself smiling back. And it felt so good to be sharing a moment of humor with her.
She grinned, and it was like the sunshine emerging from the gray Irish sky. “Well, it’s about time,” she said.
He hesitated. “Are you certain you will not come down and dine with me?” he asked softly, and oddly, her answer mattered very much.
