"I," she made a sound in the back of her throat, thought of seeing the back of him disappearing at The Dancing Snail. That familiar darkening started again. She felt the air double its thickness and pulling it into her lungs was like drinking through a clogged straw. "I don't know. I just...they're not the same. I can't talk about this," she said, panic lacing her words. Ursula's eyes flared with anger. She wanted to say something, tell her she was about to lose control but the words wouldn't form. Everything was closing in.
"I need air," she got out as she started walking through the living room when Ursula's words stopped her in her tracks.
"Right. Run. Like you do. Don't face something difficult just because it's a little messy. Just like when your dad passed and you didn't know how to face it."
Everything stopped. The air that had started smelling like fire and heat went blank. A darkness inside of Eloise swelled and she couldn't name it, she wouldn't. She turned slowly, her amber eyes sparking.
The world closing in stopped as she looked at her friend, the slashing of her words echoed in her green eyes. "Don't," she whispered and then the dizziness descended on her.
Ursula swallowed visibly. Thoughts, possibly a whisper of regret passed over her green eyes, which did look like they were sparked, but then it was gone. "You don't face shit when it gets hard, Eloise."
Eloise pushed the panic aside and grabbed at anger as she took one step forward. "And you do? How long did it take you to walk away from a man who treated you like you were an option, Urs? Hmm? How many years did I hold up a mirror and ask you to look at yourself disappearing? A decade? He didn't care about you and he called me names and you ignored it, waved it off like it was a silly joke. But it hurt," she pressed a fist to her breasts, remembering the ways he would find to call her things like wildly incompetent or an odd bird, never trying to hide his derision. "It hurt watching you disappear." Her voice lowered dangerously. "And how would you know if I dealt with losing my dad? You weren't there to know."
It was Ursula's turn to shift through internal feelings of pain. But she, like Eloise, found that one lever of stubborn pride that they had a penchant of finding when least helpful.
She shook her head slowly the anger between them an empty trench now filled with a raging river. "Go on. Run away," she said.
Eloise settled back on her feet at the blow and nodded once. A sad smile ghosted her lips. "Right. We've been here before. Famous last words from last time." She stepped forward and lowered her voice. "I may sometimes run from big, cavernous things, Urs. But you bury them and act like they don't exist and you push people away. So yeah, I've got some serious shit to deal with, but please don't throw stones."
And then she turned and walked to her room where she grabbed a bag of her things and left. Casper whined as she opened the front door. She kissed his head softly and left the house where Ursula watched her walk down the walkway from her bedroom window. Sulphur was at Eloise's side, the cat flickering a look up at the window before woman and cat disappeared into the grove of trees.
Last time she didn't watch. Last time she sat on her small, cracked patio at her midwestern house and did exactly what Eloise said; buried it.
Last time she lost something that required her to heal.
This time, she watched her friend become swallowed by the trees and held hope in her lungs for a different outcome.
17. Slamming Cabinets
Eloise was calibrating the burr grinder when Bess said in a snide tone, "Hey, you've got a visitor."
She looked at Bess, about to ask her what was going on because since they'd opened the shop she'd been giving her the cold shoulder treatment. Or something more hostile. At first she thought it was because it was so early and she was a teenager.But as the morning wore on, she would find Bess glaring at her pointedly. The rush of customers thwarted her hope to talk about it.
Maybe she had heard about her and Ursula's fight? She remembered being her age and thinking that you had to pick a side when friends were fighting.
"Hey, are you okay?"
Bess glared again before walking back to the supply room.
She frowned, watching the sulking teen then remembered she'd told her someone was here to see her. She immediately felt a lift of hope that it was Ursula then had a flicker of fear that it was him, but when she turned around it was Kelsea. She looked anxious so she pointed to the velvet high-backed chairs and signaled to her that she'd be there in a minute.
She flipped the grinder's switch to make sure it was running smoothly.
"Okay, the grinder is good. We need to make sure we are calibrating it every other bag of coffee."
"Got it," Tess said. "Thanks." She had been softening lately. She could still be prickly and often a little frustrating, but when Eloise asked her to do something there was no longer push back and when she left her shift she had started making a point to say goodbye to Eloise. It was curious and sweet. "Oh, hey, your hunky detective is here," she said with a sly smile.
Detective Taylor White was standing at the bar being handed a pink cup of coffee. When he saw her he smiled that half smirk that did a little something odd to her stomach, but today it held a quarter inch of sadness. She gave him a small wave before he walked out the front door. The disappointment was swift when she realized he was avoiding her. The pang of hurt was a quick thrust but she mentally shoved it to the side.
Not that she avoided things like Ursula had said. She dealt with things. Just in her own timing. She frowned. "Hunkydetective and I aren't..." she sighed. "Nevermind. Hey, do you know what's up with Bess?"
Tess shrugged. "I don't know. She's been moodier than a cat lately."
"Yeah, those guys have been bullying her and I wasn't sure if something else happened," Eloise said thoughtfully.
"Oh, that pink kid?" Tess shook her head. "He's such an ass. Bess shouldn't waste her time worrying about him. But he and his buddies can be cruel." She picked at the white rag in her hand as she carefully offered, "I could keep an eye out. At school. Nothing intrusive, just like see if they're picking on her in person or whatever."
Eloise watched the offering trip over Tess's tongue and wondered not for the first time if she was somewhat of a loner.
