Many mornings of coming inside with sleep lines on her face and a blanket hanging over her like a cape, and still Ursula did not ask why.
There were some things, some topics, even the closest of friends sensed were covered in shadows and ghosts that needed a kind of delicacy that only came with time and space.
And that was something she had always loved about Ursula. Between the two of them, Eloise was more likely to push a subject, and sometimes not carefully enough to not also push the person.
"Morning, pretty sea witch. It's cooler today."
"Mmm. I think we have some storms coming in the next few days."
Eloise felt a deep pang in her chest and twisted her neck to look outside as if she could foretell what was to come. But she knew. It would rain on one day in particular. Because it always did.
When the sound of ceramic sliding over wood grabbed her attention she looked at the pumpkin mug of dark-roast coffee and saw Ursula's green eyes of softness and knowing. She could smell her friend's scent bloom like a vanilla bean's syrupy grit being scraped into warm milk.
"I'll be okay," she assured her.
She could feel Ursula's hesitation but she nodded and said, "Okay."
The coffee was smooth and strong, with a hint of spice. Cinnamon, she thought and smiled. In college, she and Ursula had discovered how a pinch of the grated spice could bring the grounds to life on the tongue. Though, back then they used a ten-dollar coffee maker that had a habit of burning the coffee.
"Alright, Bess's game is at nine. I'm going to head over to Jenson's place and go with them. Want to come with us?"
"I'll meet you there. I have a date." She waved a hand as Ursula opened her mouth. "But it's at the game so I won't miss Bess."
She frowned. "You have a date this morning?" She looked at her phone. "It's seven in the morning. What kind of date is this?"
"Taylor the detective is adamant about me going on a date with a guy he works with. I said no. And then I said yes, but at Bess's soccer game."
Ursula laughed, leaning over the island, her ghost mug clasped between her slender hands. "I think one of my favorite things about you is that you have no qualms about not making things easier for everyone else."
"You like that I make life difficult for people?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
"No, not difficult. Just...I think, especially as women, we're taught to clear the debris for everyone else so that they can get to us easier. But you don't. And honestly, I think that you've created a lot of peace in that. I've always admired that."
Her words were honey. Eloise leaned over and kissed Ursula's cheek. "I love you. I'm going to get ready. See you there with your hunky man," she said as she took her mug of coffee into the bathroom to shower and sing to an old playlist.
She met Kelsea at the field where girls were shedding thin jackets and kicking around black and white balls trying to warm up. Her fleece-lined denim jacket was a welcome comfort in this chilly air.
"What's up, coach?" She handed Kelsea an almond poppyseed muffin.
"I heard you are having a date at a high school soccer game on a Saturday morning," she replied with a cute smile.
"Ursula?"
"Mhmm. I think our friend is excited to see you happy in a relationship." she took a bite and groaned. "Thank you for this. I woke up late. So tell me about this man willing to meet you for an early morning date of watching soccer."
She shrugged. "I know nothing about him other than he works on the Salem Police Department, and is apparently willing to have a first date in these circumstances."
Kelsea laughed shaking her head. She had on athletic wear and her blonde hair was pulled up into a ponytail with a baseball hat. She had that soft, youthful skin of someone in their twenties. As Eloise had gotten to know her and her story, she'd felt a kinship with the young woman. The man she'd had an affair with had left an aching shame in her, and she'd been a staple at The Lost Souls House, her own soul a little wandering and wounded.
Eloise had immediately been pulled toward her and many afternoons were spent in the living room, both with a novel or Eloise flipping through cookbooks and Kelsea typing up an article, always smelling of beach rain and lilacs. After Kelsea had shared a little of her story after practice, she'd begun opening up more with Eloise. When they'd walked among the graves one night, Kelsea had unloaded her secrets, her inner pain, and self-loathing; brick after brick was laid out on the cool, spring ground of the graveyard under the clear moon. It had been the second time Eloise had felt the spirits there, and that time had felt like a soft promise of keeping Kelsea's pain where she left it.
The next morning Ursula had come in through the back Dutch door with a bunch of out-of-season lilacs in her hand and put them in a milk glass vase where all three of them drank coffeeand Kelsea gave the bouquet grateful glances, knowing that they were the fruit of her offering something to the earth and letting go.
And now she smelled like that bouquet, fresh and full of life. She'd taken on more freelance work lately. Watching her blossom and start the arduous task of healing a wound she had caused herself was something Eloise envied, the way she had left her grief there on the ground and walked away, allowing the world to bury it and make something new and beautiful out of it.
Would she ever be able to do that?
She knew how to create the space for Kelsea to heal, but for herself, she believed she never could.
