“Anastasia.” Nikolai burst into the kitchen. A true man on a mission. His eyes were wild, his gruff voice almost feral. “Outside, now.”
This wasn’t a side of Nikolai that I was well acquainted with, but his demanding presence had me squeezing my thighs together. Maybe it was the unshaven look, maybe it was his unabashed attitude but somehow angry Nikolai was even hotter than my sweet Nik.
“Now,” he growled. Ugh. He was so fucking sexy. I had to resist breaking into a smile at the possessive order, at the gruffness in his voice. It was everything I had dreamed it would be.
Dropping my spoon to the counter, I jumped down from the barstool and went to follow him out. As soon as I’m in his radius his big paw reaches out to take hold of my hand, pulling me closer to him. Before we exited the kitchen, Rachel grabbed hold of my other arm in a vice-like grip.
“What is going on? Do I need to call your father?” Her voice dropped to a whisper at the end. Almost like she thought that would stop the man standing right next to me from hearing her.
“No. It’s fine,” I waved her off and threw her a tight-lipped smile. “I’ll handle it.”
As soon as we were past the front threshold I heard the door slam. From their seats in Nikolai’s truck, I see Drex and Zedd jump and run to us. Their arms wrapped around me tightly as their mouths worked triple time expressing their happiness and concern.
I was sure I also heard Zedd complain about Nikolai’s ‘bitchy ass mood’.
They let go of me and Nikolai stepped forward, pressing his front into my back. He cleared his throat before giving the guys a hard look, making them retreat back to the truck.
I frowned at Nikolai as I turned to face him. “Well, that was rude,” I admonished, gesturing to his brothers. The guys were only saying hello. He didn’t have to be a dick about it.
“Anastasia,” he sighed, bypassing any other response. His hands ran down my arms until they interlocked with my own. I took that second to catch a breath, to take a long hard look at him. He looked exhausted. “What are you doing here?”
I just wished there was a simple way to explain the situation that I’d gotten myself into. A way he would understand everything and trust me - a way for us not to have the conversation that was coming. I didn’t want to see the sadness that would cloud his face. I hated to upset him. But every way I’d played out this conversation in my head it never ended in my favor. I knew that breaking his heart was my only option.
I was doing it for his own good, his own safety. Not that he knew that, but it helped ease my mind. If only slightly.
“If you’re asking if I’m here against my will, I’m not.”
“What… What do you mean?” His face looked as perplexed as he sounded. I hated that I was doing this to him. He looked tired and I could’ve sworn there was a new worry line on his forehead.
“I’m here of my own accord,” I finally said, swallowing my own tongue and trying not to trip over my words.
“What the fuck. You snuck out of my— out ofourbed, to run away from me? And to come here, no less?”
I schooled my features to hide my wince. How the fuck was I to explain that? We have a passionate night between the sheets and I run out on him before the next morning even breaks. I could see how he took that personally. I would’ve too. “I can’t explain it. Not yet.”
“It was that horrible with me that you’d rather be here? Well, shit I must be a true fucking monster.”
“No, Nikolai. Don’t be ridiculous.” I tried to stop him, to calm him down but he continued to talk over the top of me.
My god, I loved this man. He was everything I’d ever wanted, and everything I never knew I needed. If only he knew just how much I needed him. He wasn’t a monster, far from it. He was protective and stubborn and my perfect beast. I wished that he could see himself the way that I saw him.
I wanted to pull him into me, to feel his body wrapped around mine. I wanted to show him that I loved him, and calm all his insecurities. But I couldn’t, at least not physically. Who knew who was watching us from inside the house, any little spies could’ve been keeping tabs on us. I needed them to believe me, that I wanted to be here more than I wanted to be with Nikolai. I had to make them trust me, which also meant that I had to make Rachel and Kaleb believe that I didn’t love Nikolai.
Despite what my clear mind was thinking, my hands reached for him, unable to resist touching him, I took hold of his hands. “Nikolai! Please! Just stop.”
And he did. For a second at least. He took a breath and looked at me.
“Anastasia, I don’t understand this…”He began again. With his hands resting on my hips he pulled me closer and rested his forehead against mine. My eyes closed upon impact, the pain in his voice was breaking me.
“What is there to understand, Nikolai?” I asked. I knew it sounded cruel, and if only he could see how saying that broke my heart too.
“Are you serious? You upped and left in the middle of the night, Anastasia. You left me, no note. You have to imagine what was running through my mind - all the different scenarios, scaring the living shit out of me. I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again. Please, just tell me why...”
I wouldn’t let myself acknowledge that he had a valid point. I already felt awful but hearing the way his voice broke felt like daggers stabbing at my already bruised heart
“It was all too much. I needed some space.” I recited the lie that I’d thought of and practised the entire bus ride here.
I knew the game plan and I had to stick to it but this part sucked. When I left I knew what I had to do, to protect not only myself but Nikolai and his brothers as well. Unfortunately, this was the only way that he would let me go. I couldn’t risk the chance that he would sway my decision - make me go home with him
