“Of course we can.”
After a brief chat with the officers outside, I led Ana back to the theater room and fetched her a blanket. “Do you want anything? A hot drink maybe? I’ve sent Heather home but I can—”
“Sit with me?” she asked, lifting the blanket, so I could sit down on the sofa next to her. Anastasia stretched to spread the blankets over her feet. It was only a split-second, but her top lifted at the back. In the flickering glow from the fire, I could just make out the small scar on her lower back. Not meaning to scare her but not being able to control myself, my hand reached out to push her t-shirt higher.
For the first time, I had the opportunity to stare unabashedly. It hurt to look at it.
I knew just how painful getting shot was, but I was raised knowing that this was going to be my life. I was a King, there was no escaping the name or the legacy. Kings got shot.
But Anastasia? What had she done to deserve a bullet?
I bolted upright in bed, my heart racing a million miles an hour but that wasn’t what woke me. It was the sound of smashing glass.
At that point, I wasn’t sure if the noise had been real or a part of my dream. Relief filled me that I’d fallen asleep with the bedside lamp on. But that didn’t shock me, I had intentionally left the light on, afraid to face the darkness on my own. Even as a child the dark had never really bothered me all that much, but recently I’d begun to understand the irrational fear in a way I never thought I would as an adult. It wasn’t the darkness specifically that was the greatest fear, it was the unknown that lurked there.
I wouldn’t ever admit it out loud but I’d been extra careful to leave a trail of lights wherever I went over the past few nights. If anyone else had picked up on it, they hadn’t said anything.
A harsh wind blew against the windows and my eyes flicked to the door. I’d made sure to lock it, and then proceeded to double and triple-check it. When that still hadn’t settled me, I shoved a chair under the handle and held close to the large knife I’d taken from the kitchen. It comforted me to have a weapon handy. If anything happened and I were here alone, I’d need some form of protection - no matter how minuscule. Compared to the handgun I kept in the top drawer of my nightstand at home, the knife paled in comparison. But it was the best I could do.
Realistically, I knew that a repeat of the shooting was unlikely…not so soon, anyway. But my sanity was at risk.
I’d fired guns before, I’d been in fights, I’d been kidnapped - twice. I wasn’t a naturally fearful person. But nothing could’ve prepared me for the sound of a bullet shattering a window, let alone a couple dozen. I could only compare the sound of shattering glass, to electrifying your central nervous system. The shock you got from it was far worse than any damage the bullet could’ve done.
After waiting a few more minutes in silence, I laid back down. Maybe it was just my imagination? I kept listening anyway but the house was deathly quiet. If someone were skulking around out there, I would know about it - the echo carrying every noise, every footstep, and every whisper throughout the house.
On my back, I stared at the ceiling. I wondered where Nikolai was, what he was doing.
I’d bet he wasn’t lying awake thinking about me.
It had been a few days since the attack on the house and things had seemed to go back to normal. Well, everyone else had continued on as normal. Me? Not so much. While my routine had mostly been the same, I’d noticed one difference.
I had been hyper-aware of Nikolai. If I didn’t know where he was, I needed to find him. It had been an on again off again game of hide-and-seek, and honestly, it had been occupying a lot of my time.
As sad as that was to admit.
I just needed to be near him, that way I knew he was safe. And I felt safer with him around.
My eyes closed as I pictured him standing by the door. Him walking over to the bed and laying down beside me.
I never thought I’d be dependent on someone the way I am with Nikolai. But after all that I’d been through, I was struggling to hold the fort up on my own. While our relationship - if you could call it that - still had its ups and downs, I knew he was there. He wouldn’t leave me, and he wouldn’t let me fall.
It had taken time for me to accept that Nikolai’s feelings were real and unconditional. Now that my feelings for him had grown, I felt like a fool for not seeing his love sooner.
My breathing steadied out as my eyelids grew heavier. My mind was at ease as I thought of Nikolai.
I wished to feel his arms wrapped around me. To be able to breathe in his cologne. To feel his body heat encase me as I slept. I knew I wouldn’t have had a problem sleeping if only he’d been next to me.
I hoped that soon enough, that wouldn’t be an issue.
* * *
I basically crawled down the stairs that morning. I’d slept horribly, and I was feeling it. I almost jumped out of my fucking skin when...
“How’d you sleep?”
“Not great.” Every noise had me alert, it made it very hard to get any sleep at all.
Nikolai nodded silently while he gazed out the patio windows. I took the few moments of free-reign to take him in. He looked tired like he hadn’t had a wink of sleep. His rumpled shirt told the same story.
