FIFTY-FOUR
hawk
Kendra’sfirst request that I accompany her to therapy was met with an eye roll. But when she’d pointed out that we hadn’t had sex since the night I opened the text from Tucker, I relented.
“I can’t let this come between us.” Her plea had gutted me. If I hadn’t thought I could feel any worse—I did then.
I had known that Kendra had dealt with trauma, but seeing it firsthand hadn’t been something I could push aside. How had she been through so much and still walked through the world without fear?
I sat and stared at my hands as Kendra told her therapist what had happened. My stomach still lurched every time I thought about it.
“How did seeing that video make you feel?”
“Helpless.”
“Did it change the way you feel about Kendra?”
My eyes snapped to hers and then to my girlfriend, who sat there wringing her hands and fidgeting nervously. “No—” my voice cracked. “—notone bit.”
She looked back at me, cornflower blue rimmed with red, shining with tears. It broke my fucking heart that my actions were the source of even an ounce of pain. She’d had enough of that.
“He hasn’t touched me since then.” Her whispered sentence was followed by a full-body wracking sob.
“I don’t want to hurt her—fuck. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to swear?—”
“Swear all you want, as long as it’s not directed at me—or Kendra—I’m good.”
“I’ve been working on healing from this for a long time. I think Tucker realized that he couldn’t hurt me that way again—so he found something that could. If he can drive a wedge between us—he’s won.”
Tears streamed down my face. “I promise you he hasn’t. I just need a minute to catch up.”
FIFTY-FIVE
kendra
We rode backto the penthouse, making meaningless small talk.
“Reaves did great last night. He reminds me of players much older than him.”
“I still can’t believe he’s only 19,” he said.
“How are things going with his living situation with Austin?” He’d moved in right about the same time Ashley kicked him out. Austin had been shocked when she’d cheated on him, but didn’t hesitate to end his marriage, and that meant that he and Nate now lived with his sister.
“Oh, Nate annoys the fuck out of him, and Austin treats him like he’s a kid. It’s perfect.”
I laughed. “Guess he doesn’t need a babysitter.”
“We thought we had a deal with Milligan, but he has the right of refusal. He’s demanded a payout and will only agree to New York. Craig thinks we’d be better off waiting. He thinks he’s going to fuck up.”
He pulled into the garage and parked next to the G-Wagon before turning to face me.
“I’m sorry.” He reached out, his thumb scraping across my cheek before pulling me in to him, kissing me tenderly. “I love you, Ken. More than I ever thought was possible. I don’t think less of you for what happened, but I hate myself for not being able to fix it. I’m so far out of my league.”
“How about a hitman?” I joked.
“Thought about that. But he’s not worth jail time. He’s definitely not worth me losing a minute of my life with you.”
“Thank you for coming tonight. I know it was the last thing you wanted after the day you had.”
