Jonathan: Let me know when you get home safe for the night.
Me: Okay.
I had a lot to work out in therapy tonight, and while I had shared what happened with someone important to me, Jessica was going to point out that I had left out important details. And no, right now wasn’t the time to bring my sisters into my shit. Kelsey was on her honeymoon, and Kylie was finally getting some semblance of a normal relationship with Luc. Nothing I had was urgent. I’d held it in for this long; a little longer wouldn’t hurt me.
Jessica’s office was in an unassuming building,and I arrived at my appointment about five minutes early. While in the waiting room, I scrolled through my phone and somehow wandered into where I had my private videos from my time with Tucker. All sent from him as a stark reminder of why I needed to keep what happened to myself.
He had promised to send these directly to my father, thinking that the mortification of him seeing this would hurt me. My father would murder him. Not a shadow of a doubt. If Dad miraculously escaped, prison time for murder, he would be tortured by those images for the rest of his life.
Watching Tucker’s success over the last few years should have prepared me for how I would feel being in the same room as him, but it didn’t. I hadn’t thrown up, but after hovering over the toilet and not vomiting, I realized that the sense of unease wasn’t something that I could easily expel from my body.
So many women were forced to be in contact with their perpetrators; I wasn’t unique.
“Kendra?”
Lost in thought, the sound of my name brought me back to the present. I forced a smile and followed Jessica into her office.
“It’s been a while, how were your holidays? You had a big family wedding?”
Deep breaths. “The wedding was perfect, but it’s been the rest of my life since then that’s spinning out of control. Tucker just got signed by the team I work for. Oh, and I’m fucking around with my boss.”
“You were really focused on your phone when I called you into the office. Were you watching the videos from Tuckeragain?”
I nodded. Those videos were like a scab I picked at when I felt my life spiraling out of control. “The team had a press conference for him at the end of the day. It went fine until he noticed me in the back.”
“Did he say anything to you?”
“Not with words, no. But I know him well enough to see the threat in his eyes.”
“Are you safe at work?”
“Yes, there is no reason for me to be alone with any of the players. I can avoid him.”
“Have you thought about pressing charges?”
“No, I’m still not going to do that. I know you disagree with that?—”
“Many victims choose not to come forward. I’m here to help you heal, no matter your path. You’re an adult, and unless I feel that you are in immediate danger, it’s your decision. Does your new boss play into this dynamic? What does he know about the situation?”
“Jonathan owns the team. I told him what happened, but he doesn’t know it was Tucker.”
Jessica wrote down what I told her and paused, giving me time to continue. When I didn’t, she followed up. “You said you’re involved with your boss?”
“Yes, it’s confusing and more than a little scary. Whenever I try to get emotional distance, he doesn’t let me.”
“He’s the only one you’ve ever told about your assault. That says that you already trust him more than anyone else. No?”
“I do. There are so many reasons for me to run away from this, the first being that this is my dream job.Second, I don’t like how it looks to people outside of our circle. The comments from the men in the office?—”
“Do you honestly care what people say about you?”
I smirked. “Not really.”
“Is there anything about your relationship that makes you feel like he’s abusing his power?”
“No, he started out as my wingman. He literallyprotectedme from a couple disastrous dates. He hasn’t pushed for anything. In fact, I’m the one who has been pushing for more.”
“By more, have you been pushing for sex? Or a relationship?”
