“You don’t really know me, though.” The warning slips out, my insecurity showing after a lifetime of being kicked aside when people get close enough to be disappointed at the reality of me.
“There is something inside me I didn’t know existed before last night. Irina would maybe say it is adusha. I never felt it before in all my life. Until I saw you. And then, I knew.”
“Dooshah?” Another unfamiliar word.
“Dusha. It is like a soul, but bigger. The innermost being, perhaps. Maybe, for me, it was a sleeping monster. Because there was nothing inside me before I saw you, and now there isthe certainty I will keep you. And your daughter and the future babies we will make together. All mine.”
His explanation is halting, an unexpected vulnerability in his eyes as they search mine. It cuts through my insecurities and makes me realize we’re navigating uncharted waters together. That eases some of my worries. Maybe, I shouldn’t be so convinced he’ll judge me for the way I survive. After all, he’s no blushing innocent.
Beneath the softness he’s allowing me to peek at right now, there’s still the vicious bratva fuckboy I’ve seen murder a man. When he’s literally a criminal, can he really fault me for the things I’ve done to survive? I guess we’ll find out, because it’s obvious he won’t let me walk away. And to be fair, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to anyway.
Chapter
Nine
Feliks
“You don’t have to marry me just to keep me from testifying about what happened. And you don’t have to be all romantic and poetic, either. I’m not ever,evergoing to tell a soul about last night.” Hollis mimes locking a key over her lips and tossing the key, the move so unexpectedly adorable I nearly miss what she’s saying.
“That’s not—” I start then stop. It’s always when words vomit from my mouth that things go wrong, and this is too important to fuck up. Instead, I battle my own nature and shut my damn mouth.
“Not what?” she prompts.
I look around the room, stalling. It’s a cowardly move, and if anyone ever tells Zinovy or the others about this moment, I’ll tilt back their head and remove their organs like Pez candies. Still, Hollis is worth the tremendous mocking from the men of Anatoly’s Vor if they saw how soft I am for her.
“I just…” Another pause. A dramatic sigh.
I am so not cut out for this shit. But I have to learn. Not just because Hollis deserves softness, but because I want to be a father to her daughter and more children. It’s a thought I’d have died before admitting, even to myself, mere days ago. It isn’t as if I have a decent role model, but I guess I can imagine how my father would respond and do the opposite.
“I’ve never done this before,” I offer, cringing when I realize what she thinks of my admission.
She rolls her eyes dramatically.
“Please, you give off fuckboy energy like no other. You’ve probably,” she makes air quotes, “done this,” she puts her hands on her hips, “a dozen times this year.”
Defensiveness fires through me at the implication I’m blowing smoke up her ass. “I have never brought a woman to my home. Never asked one to be in a relationship. Definitely never told one I wanted to have children with her or claim any of her children as my own.”
She smirks. “But you can’t deny being a manwhore.”
The reminder of my less than stellar history with women stings. Sure, I’ve had plenty of pointless encounters with women who were down to fuck, but it’s not as if I’ve ever made or asked for promises. I’m not a completely selfish asshole. I always made sure my partners were looking for the same thing I was—a single encounter—and we parted with everyone satisfied at the result.
“I never lied to get into a woman’s panties, and I’m not lying to you now. Have I had sex without commitment or tender feelings, yes. I won’t fake shame for it, either. I never knew I could feel like this about someone else, never expected to tumble into some bullshit fairytale. But here I am, tumbling. And I won’t hide from it or risk it slipping through my fingers.”
“Wow, so romantic,” she sneers, but I see the self-protective wall she’s built teetering.
“You don’t want romance. I’ve only known you for a day, and I know that. I’m not peddling fairytales. I’m telling you the truth. You’re mine. We’re going to be wed. We can negotiate how many babies there will be, but that little girl playing in the room back there,” my hand gestures down the hall Dru had scampered down, “is my daughter now, too.”
Heat flares in Hollis’ eyes, sucking me in and distracting me from my plan to hustle her through packing up their shit. Thepakhanis expecting me this evening, with information regarding a few business ventures he intends to acquire as fronts for our less lawful endeavors. I’d planned to have Hollis and Dru moved to my place before dinner, then I’d to meet with Anatoly after I got them settled in and fed.
“We’ll see.” She hums before stalking down the same hallway our little girl had disappeared down.
“Pack everything you’ll need for a few days. I’ll have movers bring everything else,” I shout to them both.
“Fine!” Hollis hollers back, Dru’s higher pitch copying right behind her mother’s.
With the two of them occupied, I allow my focus to shift and take in the small ranch-style home. It’s in a decent area of town, not rich by any stretch but safe. The house is surrounded on both sides and behind with other suburby homes that all have playgrounds in well-tended backyards with short fences that do more decorating than creating privacy.
I don’t know what Hollis does to afford such a nice home, despite being too young to legally drink, but I’m not in a rush to find out. Sure, I could be a fool like Zinovy had been with his Petal and use every resource I can access via the Vor to stalk the shit out of her. But I have less patience. Where Zinovy hid in the shadows, researched and prepared for the perfect time to snag the object of his obsession, I’m more a smash and grab man.
