“You must tell me what I have done to make you cry.” If she is upset that I now know about this ex who put his hands on herand that I will soon be ending him, she will simply have to get over it.
“Why? So you can keep judging me?” she cries.
I am lost, and it’s not a feeling I’m used to. It pisses me off, to be completely honest. I don’t like the sensation of confusion, and I definitely don’t like this fucking door between us.
“Move away from the door, Petal. I am coming in. We will discuss why you believe I am judging you. Is it because I am going to kill this ex of yours? Do you still care for him?” The thought makes my chest burn. I can do many things, but I cannot force Petal to forget about thismudlan, this stupid guy, from her past.
“Ugh! I cannot believe you! You are so thickheaded!” she shrieks, but I hear from the volume of her scream she has obeyed me and moved from the door. I nudge it open, preparing for anything I might find on the other side.
Amaliyah once threw a book at Feliks’ head when he told her she had to stop ordering what he said were word porn books, using the house’s operating expense credit cards. He’s still got a scar under his chin from where the gold epaulets of what she said was a special edition hardback sliced through his skin. She’d made him pay to replace the book. She’d also refused to allow the blood to be cleaned from the thrown copy, saying it would be a good reminder for him to see it on the table in the future. So I know an angry woman is one to be wary of.
“I will not spare his life, so if you are still enamored of him, you will need to accept that.” This is the only thing that makes sense to explain her fury.
“Why will you kill him, Zinovy? He is gone from my life, and even if he did find me, he isn’t so stupid as to try anything while you’re with me,” she reasons.
“I will kill him for hitting you.” It is my right as her man to avenge her.
“Right. So it’s not okay for my ex to hurt me, but you can?” she fires back.
“I would never!” I reel. The mere thought of abusing my Petal the way thatzadnitzadid snatches the breath from me.
“You already did,” she says, a chill in her voice frosting the very air between us.
The floor falls from beneath my feet. Or so it seems, at least. Petal isn’t angrily launching things at my head the way I feared she might. No, instead she’s eviscerated me with three simple words. I already did? How is that possible when everything I’ve done is to protect and provide for her? Horror and self-disgust rise like a gorge in my throat.
She stands mere feet from where I am, her shoulders hunched forward and arms wrapped around her waist. Defeated and furious. And so damn far from me. Not physically, but it’sobvious she’s guarding herself. From me. I think I’m having a heart attack, the pain in my chest is so severe.
“How?” I choke out. I want to argue that I’m nothing like that fucking ex of hers. To demand she recant her claim and never paint me with the same brush as that piece of shit again. I don’t allow myself to do anything like that.
Wordlessly, her arms unwrap from their protective grip around her middle, and her hands drop to the hemline of the deep green skirt of her dress. The satiny fabric flutters as she raises it, my eyes tracking every millimeter of skin revealed.
There, on her soft pale left thigh, are a handful—my handful—of finger-sized red ovals.
Disgust and rage burn like wildfire through me as the realization dawns on me. I’m the monster she fears now. I’m the one who allowed his strength to manhandle her carelessly, just because I heard some shit that made me angry. The one who undid all the progress in making her feel safe by making her feel the exact opposite.
I’ve done terrible things in my life. Bled men. Gutted them and left their tortured bodies on the lawns of their comrades. Broken laws and ethics. Done immoral and debased things in support of the Vor, without blinking or hesitating. Never have I questioned myself or felt remorse for the beastly nature life bred in me. Until now.
Chapter
Twenty-Five
CHAPTER 25
Petal
A text message from George that the diner was closing for a couple days and to enjoy a well-earned break came through an hour after Zinovy left. He’d hightailed it out of the bedroom with a face so ashen I’d almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
But nearly a whole day has passed without him showing his face, and now, I’m right back to being pissed. I mean, who does that? Kidnaps a person and then just abandons them in a giant fancy house with no explanation for where they’re going?
Hollis: Deadass. I swear I’m gonna murk this mother effing psychopath if he implies I need him to review my financial solvency one more time!!!!
Me to Hollis: I don’t know what murk means, but what happened after he left with you and Dru?
Hollis: Oh sweet summer child, you are so innocent. It’s no wonder the big one is obsessed with you. You’re like catnip to an alley cat.
Me to Hollis: If I’m catnip, I think he OD’d because I’ve been alone here in this house where he stuck me for a day now, and I don’t know when or if he’s coming back.
The sky beyond the windows above the kitchen sink is pitch black, my reflection staring back at me while I rinse my dinner dishes. Mundane tasks have been keeping me occupied all day, otherwise I’d have been texting Hollis nonstop and begging her to rescue me from the boredom.
