Prologue
Twenty-Five Years Ago...
Holy hell, she was the tiniest thing he’d ever held. A surge of love and protection flooded Jayson Knight’s heart as he gazed down at his newborn daughter. He took a moment to count her insanely small fingers and toes. Ten perfectly-formed digits and ten of the teeniest piggies. That old Stevie Wonder song played in his head, because she was the loveliest thing he’d ever seen.
He couldn’t stop grinning.This must be called Daddy Euphoria.
Standing in the small apartment he shared with Tara, mesmerized by their baby girl, he wished he could’ve been there for her birth. But he’d been on an op, and the little one had decided to come early. With no way to communicate and multiple travel and transport delays, he’d just gotten home. Being an Army Ranger took him all over the world, and the schedule wasn’t exactly predictable or accommodating. But he’d raced home as fast as possible. Dropped his duffel bag and keys by the front door, strode straight to the bedroom and scooped his four-day-old daughter out of the bassinet.
“Hi,” he whispered, his throat tightening with emotion. She gazed up at him with big blue eyes. “I’m your daddy.”
Jayson had hazel eyes, so she definitely had her mother’s eyes. Unless they changed color—and he secretly hoped they would. He’d heard all babies were born with blue eyes, but he didn’t know if that was just a myth. Hell, there was so much he didn’t know. So much he was going to need to learn when it came to babies.
He did know one thing for certain—this little girl had just become the most important thing in his universe.
“I’m going to make sure you have everything you need, Emmie G,” he promised.
“Her name is Emma,” a cool voice stated. “I decided on Emma Rose since you weren’t there.”
Turning around to face Tara, Jayson braced himself. She wore pajamas and a robe hung off her shoulders. He’d never seen her look so tired. Resigned. A wave of guilt stabbed at him. “I’m sorry—”
“Save it.” She sounded beyond weary. “You weren’t here, and I shouldn’t be surprised by that. It’s nothing new, right?”
The last thing he wanted to do was fight with her. He knew she was emotional after just giving birth, and now wasn’t the time for a wicked confrontation. Besides, he’d been traveling nonstop for the last eighteen hours and he didn’t have the energy for one of their angry bouts.
“She’s beautiful,” he murmured. Keeping his tone soft, gentle, he returned his attention to his daughter. He still couldn’t quite believe the perfect little girl in his arms was half of him. He was a dad. It felt so strange, yet so right.
Tara sucked in a deep breath, and he steeled himself for whatever she was about to unleash. And he got it. He fucking sucked because he’d made a promise—that he’d be there for their baby’s birth—and then he broke it. His job kept himaway from home a lot, so she’d battled through her pregnancy oftentimes without him. Alone. Scared. Now, her hormones were probably all over the place and she’d been stewing in her anger the last four days. Pissed at him because he was already being a shitty father.
But instead of coming at him like a wrecking ball, her bottom lip quivered.Oh, no.Tears would be so much worse than barbed words.
“Do you have any idea how hard it is being alone all the time?” she whispered, surprisingly emotional.
He glanced up, attempting to get a read on her, because this wasn’t the Tara Wilcox he knew. The woman he knew possessed a dramatic flair and loved playing the blame game.
The baby wriggled in his arms, drawing his attention back down. “Do you think she’s hungry?”
Tara swiped at her eyes and shrugged. “She’s always hungry. There’s formula in the fridge.”
“Formula?” he echoed, his focus zeroing in on the two wet spots soaking her pajama top.
“I’m not breastfeeding,” she informed him. “This whole thing has already destroyed my body.”
One drunken night of sex he barely remembered with a girl he’d been dating for two weeks had resulted in a broken condom and an unplanned pregnancy. And here they were—twenty-four-year-old parents, clueless and still basically kids themselves.
“I’m scared, too,” he said in a low voice.
But she shook her head, gaze unreadable. “I’m not scared, Jayson. I just don’t want to be a mother.”
Her words pierced him like bullets. “What do you mean?” Sure, they’d had a bit of a rocky start after finding out she was pregnant, but it had been a shock. Totally unexpected. They’d talked through things and decided they’d be okay.
“You haven’t been here, so you haven’t seen how hard this has been on me. Motherhood isn’t something I ever wanted. But you convinced me to try. That it would all work out.” She shook her head. “But this isn’t me. I have other dreams.”
Words eluded him. Sure, she’d expressed doubts early on, but they’d both been scared and unsure. Neither ready to become parents. Needing advice, Jayson had confided in his mom, and she’d made a good point, telling him no one was ever truly ready to have a child. It was something you figured out along the way.
“So, what’re you saying?” he finally choked out, cradling the baby closer to his chest.
“I’m saying I’m done. With her, with you, with Cielo Springs. I’m going home, Jayson.”
