I will never stop being astonished by the way some people casually mention eight-figure sums of money.
‘Well, he said that if we sold the place through him direct, he’d cut the commission in half. More than, actually. Obviously the standard commission on a place like Chepstow Crescent – what is it, one or two per cent normally? – would have been a serious sum of money.’
‘Hundreds of thousands,’ Sir Simon chimes in.
Yes, I want to scream,but it doesn’t matter when you’re selling your home for twelve million quid. Good thing I don’tscream it, because Elle picks up the baton: ‘So naturally you wanted to save a bit of money if you could.’
‘Well, yes,’ Lady Patricia says. ‘He said we could do it using his solicitor at the firm, that it would all be arranged. Who was buying it again?’
‘Some consortium,’ Sir Simon says. ‘We wanted to know it was all above board, of course, and we quizzed David on how it could be. He said it was due to him playing a slightly different role in the transaction – what was it, a search agent, an introductions agent? Something like that, anyway.’
Lady Patricia nods. ‘Yes. He knew of a buyer who wanted just that sort of place. They had their own lawyers, and they were pukka too. So that was fine. It all went through just like he said. And we had saved a really good amount of commission. I’m sure he wasn’t doing it out of the kindness of his heart, but …’ She trails off.But you were careful not to look too hard in case he pulled the offer away. And you made sure to ask just enough questions so he could assure you it was proper, for deniability’s sake later on.Honestly.
‘Well,’ Em says. ‘Thatisinteresting. Thank you for telling us.’
‘Obviously, if we’d even thought there was any impropriety going on …’You obviously did think that.
‘I understand,’ says Elle. ‘This won’t go any further. We’re just trying to ascertain what Mr Harcourt’s practices were like, and this is very helpful indeed.’
‘Well, he did a great job for us. Got us quite a bit more than we thought we’d get. And we’ve been jolly happy here.’
‘It’s a beautiful place,’ I say.
‘Thank you.’
I can’t stop myself talking. ‘It must need a lot of security, I’d imagine?’
‘Oh, yes.’ Sir Simon is oblivious. ‘But we’ve never had any trouble.’
Lady Patricia looks at him rather sharply. ‘Yes we have, Simon.’
‘When?’
‘The …’ She tails off and glances at us.
I try to stare back blankly, but I have to know. I just have to know if they know I got in. I think it was about a fortnight I was here.
She continues. ‘We had squatters once.’
‘No.’ Em sounds appalled, and looks at me. ‘Did you hear that, Francis?’
‘About five years back. They covered their tracks well, but we could tell the place had been ransacked.’
‘Nasty business,’ said Sir Simon. ‘They must have got frightened and left. Just as well for them.’
‘Did they take anything?’ I ask.
‘Yes, a few lovely objects. We’re just lucky we weren’t here at the time.’
That’s robbers, I want to say.You’re confusing us with robbers.I certainly didn’t take anything, despite there being a lot of rather vulgar jewellery lying around the place. I bet they claimed on the insurance.
Did I leave things in a bit of disarray? I wasn’t quite as careful back then. For God’s sake, who’s careful aged twenty-three?
‘The police were useless,’ says Sir Simon, and I breathe again. ‘We’ve tightened security since then. We got you all on camera arriving, and we’ll get you again as you leave!’
Elle and Em laugh. I need to splash some cold water on my face. I ask directions to the cloakroom, and listen carefully as Lady Patricia tells me where to go, despite knowing it’s the second door down on the left.
After some polite thanks and goodbyes, Lady Patricia retreats, and Call Me Simon sees us to the door.
