Suddenly, he’s on top of me, pushing me into the mattress. He is all around me, crowding me in, leaving me no room to breathe. He lays his head next to mine and rests his elbows next to my body, caging me in.
To my annoyance, he smells nice—like clean soap and some kind of masculine spice. I don’t want to find anything nice about him. I need to hate him, and I need that to be the only feeling I have for him because I know that is the only feeling he will ever have for me.
I feel his smooth head nudging at my entrance, making me suck in a sharp breath preemptively. He pushes himself in just a little. Feeling my inner walls struggle to adjust and take him, I do my best to relax. That’s what they always say, right? Just relax, it will hurt less. Just got to relax.
Without warning and with one hard thrust, he buries himself deep inside of me. A pained whimper escapes my throat. The fullness and the pain are almost unbearable. I try to push him off, but he doesn’t move an inch.
“Shh, relax,” he says, almost soothing, but I can’t, not when I’m so confused. Confused by what I’m feeling, and what he is doing to me.
“Did you save yourself for a fairytale prince from one of your stupid books?” His voice is strained and raspy now, like he is holding himself back, only hanging on by a threat. “Or were you just too good for anybody else to spread your legs?” he taunts. His face is so close to mine that I can feel his breath on my skin.
Even if I knew what to tell him, I couldn’t get a single word out right now. My breaths are shallow and quick, and I have to force myself to relax before I hyperventilate. I take a deep, calming breath and realize that he hasn’t moved inside of me. The pain between my legs is already subsiding, and when he finally moves, there is only mild discomfort. The pain is replaced with a new feeling. I still feel full, but also, there is a warmth. I feel pleasure.
He keeps thrusting into me, and the feeling gets stronger, spreading through my body like cancer. A few minutes pass, and all the pain disappears, replaced by pure bliss. I try to push it away, but my body seems to have developed a mind of its own. I’m simply the co-pilot looking out of the window. My legs wrap around Ryder, and my hands hold on to his biceps. Instead of pained whimpers, soft moans I barely recognize as my own are coming out of my mouth.
Ryder picks up speed, pounding into me deep and hard. I’ve felt nothing like this, and I don’t want it to end, ever. A spark ignites deep in my core. For a split second, I panic because I don’t know what it means. Then, the spark turns into a wildfire, scorching every fiber of my body. All my muscles tighten and lock up before releasing again. Pleasure I have never felt before floods my body as I orgasm for the first time in my life. In an effort not to scream out in pleasure, I bite the inside of my cheek so hard I can taste blood.
I’m faintly aware of Ryder grunting as he grinds into me a few more times before he stills. I feel like I’m on a cloud floating through the sky. I’m so warm and relaxed. Oddly, I feel safe with Ryder on top of me, like a two-hundred-pound heated blanket covering me.
I close my eye, enjoying every second of this out-of-body experience. For a moment, I forget where I am and what I’m doing here. I’m so sated I almost feel drunk.
“I was worried I’d lost my touch,” he murmurs in my hair. Not sure what he is talking about, I decide to just keep quiet and keep my eyes closed.
“I don’t think so. Open your eyes.” Ryder gives me a shake, and I open my now heavy eyelids. I look at his face, hovering inches over mine. “No time for a nap. I told you what’s on the itinerary.”
He gets off of me, and I wince, immediately feeling cold and empty. “Get up, I want you on all fours next.”
I sit up and slowly turn around to get on my knees. To my horror, I notice something wet and sticky running down my leg. “Y-You… you didn’t use a condom.” I can’t believe I didn’t pick up on this until now. “I’m not on birth control.” The thought of getting pregnant makes my stomach churn. I can’t even take care of myself. How could I possibly take care of another human?
“You better get the morning-after pill then. Because I’m not taking care of some brat,” Ryder says casually while standing in front of the bed. He is lazily stroking himself while watching me. “Bend over.”
I do as he commands andgeton all fours, wondering how he is already hard again. My mind is so occupied with the whole, not using a condom thing, that I don’t get scared of what is coming next. At least not until Ryder positions himself behind me. He reaches between my legs, and the touch to my still sensitive clit makes me jolt. His free hand grabs hold of my hip, and hepulls me back. His fingers drag the wetness from my sex all the way up to my ass. When his thumb rests right over my asshole, I panic.
He tightens his grip on my hip and pushes his thumb against my asshole, drawing small circles, almost like he is massaging it. I tense at the foreign sensation, confused by the way it feels.
Just when I relax a little, he abruptly pulls away. His hand moves from my hip, and he caresses my butt cheeks, and my lower back.I’m so perplexed by his sudden gentle touch, I crane my head around to look at him.
“I changed my mind. I’m done with you.” Ryder gets off the bed, tugs himselfback in his pants and zips up the zipper. “Let’s go. We are finished. You need to leave.”
Shocked, I jump off the bed and gather my clothes from the floor. “What about the money I owe?”
“Your debt is forgiven. Get out of here and don’t come back,” he says harshly and motions toward the door.
“Y-You can do that? Just like that?” Not that I’m complaining, but this seems to be a little too good to be true.
“Leave!” he says through his gritted teeth. Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he looks down at me angrily. Now that the afterglow of my orgasm has gone and his dismissive words hit me, I’m left feeling used and disgusted with myself.
Ignoring the sticky mess between my legs, I get dressed in record time. I wonder what I did to make him so mad? When I’m finished, he pushes me out of the door and down the hall in the opposite direction from which we came.He opens another door that leads to the back alley.
“I never want to see your face again.” With that, he gives me one last push out the door and slams it shut behind me.
Out of all the potential scenarios I could have imagined, this wasn’t one of them.
Getting beat up. I saw it coming.
Having my legs broken. I counted on it.
Getting a finger or a toe cut off. I was prepared for that.
