“It’s not okay, and it won’t happen again. It shouldn't have happened at all. And it will not happen again.” I say it more to myself than her. She doesn’t control my body, or my fucked up mind, so it’s not her fault I lost my cool.
“But I want it to happen again.”
I shake my head, the frustration in me mounting. “You don’t mean that, Keira.”I run my knuckles along her cheek, feeling how fragile her skin and bones are beneath my touch. I’ve killed people. I’ve bathed in their blood, but when I’m with Keira, I want to forget that part of myself. I want to cherish and hold her.
I stare down at her. “You don’t have to pretend with me. I’ll protect you no matter what, no matter how. You don’t have to pretend you like being hurt because you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared,” she admits with a shy grin. “I just…I want you to be satisfied, and I want to be the one satisfying you. I don’t want you to feel like you have to go somewhere else for your needs—even more so now that I know we’re getting married. I want to be able to take whatever you give me…whenever you want.”
“Is this about what Hayley said? Did she tell you I didn’t want you? That’d I’d leave you?” Anger doesn’t even begin to describe how I am feeling.
“Listen to me, Keira.” I grip her chin firmly now. “Don’t fucking believe a single word she says. She’s no one. A fucking whore. And not that it matters, but this has nothing to do with being satisfied. I was satisfied making love to you. I was satisfied fucking you…being inside you. Hell, I was satisfied just with the simple fact that you let me touch you.”
Her eyes fill with tears. “But there’s a difference between all those things and tonight. The difference has everything to do with me and the fact that I let my anger get out of control. I let it cloud my thoughts and my judgement. And I took that anger out on the one person who didn’t deserve it.”
I feel my own eyes begin to water, but I blink the emotions away. “I hurt you, and I’ll never let myself get that out of control again. I’ll find another way to manage, but it won’t mean fucking you when I’m that far gone.”
She gives me the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen, and I lean down and press my lips against hers tenderly. My heart starts beating out of my chest, and the pain of what I did pumps through my veins. I knew when she first told me she loved me I loved her too. I was just too weak...to consumed with fear to say it.
But after tonight, I won’t hold back anymore. I let the words fall helplessly from my lips. “I love you, Keira. And I cannot wait for you to become my wife.”
Chapter 19
Keira
His words replay on repeat.Iloveyou,Keira…
Shock isn’t even a word I could use to describe or explain how I feel. I’d been saying I love you to him for a while, but I didn’t think he would actually say the words to me—and never out loud.
It’s like he’s changed. Something inside him has cracked, and he’s finally slipping his mask off and letting me in. He’s been acting like he cares for me—but is it love?
I didn’t think it was possible for a man like Damon to admit he was is in love. Yet, here we are, in the bathroom of this giant house where he grew up with his brother, his tiny little secret right down the hall. If Damon was ever going to tell me he loved me, I didn’t suspect it would happen here.
“Come on. Your hands are turning to prunes. Let’s get you dried off and into bed.”
As I stand, I notice my legs are still weak, causing my knees to threaten to buckle beneath my weight. I was seriously exhausted before stepping into this hot bath, and now my muscles are relaxed, making me even hungrier for sleep.
When I step out of the tub and into the large, fluffy towel Damon is holding out, the soreness between my legs flares, reminding me of the rough way he took me earlier. I was shocked at first—and he did hurt me in the beginning—but once my body adjusted, I enjoyed the way he took me.
He was hot and possessive, and he made my body shake with need. The orgasm was mind blowing. I’m so confused by the way he made me feel, I don’t think I can explain it to Damon in a way he’ll understand—at least not tonight. ButI do hope he does it again, because there was something so primal about the way he wanted me, needed me. Like he had to have me. Thinking about it makes my muscles clench and my body hum.
I realize we, once again, didn’t use a condom, and my mind shifts to the secret down the hall.
When will Xander tell his brother about his son? How long will I have to keep this secret from Damon?
Damon’s touch pulls me from my thoughts as he wraps me up in the towel, pulling me into his chest. As he starts to dry me off, I thank the good Lord for delivering a man to me who I consider to be one the best alive. My eyes comb his well-defined upper body, his shoulders and the cords of muscles in his throat. His biceps flex, and my core clenches. My gaze slips lower over his abdomen and down to his V. His muscles tighten with every move he makes, and I can’t stop the urge I have to reach out and touch him. I want to feel him under my fingertips.
I trace his pecs, enjoying how smooth and warm his skin feels and how hard the muscle is beneath it. It’s so small, I almost miss it, but when my fingers go back over the same patch of skin, I notice a small blemish—an abnormality on an almost perfect surface.
“What’s this?” I trace the small indentation, becoming aware Damon is done drying me off and now staring down at me as I feel him up.
“It’s a bullet wound,” Damon says, as if it’s obvious I’d know that.
“Yeah. I gathered that it was a wound. Why? Who shot you?” I have a fierce need to protect Damon—which is strange since he can kill with his bare hands. I love him, and the thought of someone shooting or hurting him bothers me a lot.
He tosses the towel over his shoulders, pads out of the bathroom, brushing past me, and I worry he may not give me an answer.
As fast as my legs allow, I follow behind him, watching as he walks to his dresser and pulls out a T-shirt and a pair of boxers.
