“You know, we’re going to have to start working on your attitude problem.” We are nearing the liberal arts building where language classes are held. He’s starting to get desperate now that he hasn’t managed to break through the walls I’ve put up around me. I hear it in his voice, the way every word comes through gritted teeth. “It’s fucking rude to ignore somebody, or didn’t your whore mother ever teach you that? I guess not. She was too busy sucking off random strangers, wasn’t she? Can’t teach your daughter how to behave when there’s a dick in your mouth.”
I can’t even escape inside the building, since he follows me in there, too. My heart is racing to the point where it makes me sick. I’m going to throw up. This is too much. How much more of it am I supposed to take?
“Maybe she taught you something.” The next thing I know, his hand is around my arm, and he’s dragging me into the bathroom. I could scream for help, only who’s going to help me? I would only draw a crowd who would probably cheer him on.
“What are you doing?” I whisper with my heart in my throat once the doorcloses, and he shoves me against it. The line of stalls along the wall opposite me look empty. It’s just the two of us in here.
It’s getting harder to breathe, harder to think. My head is spinning with all the possibilities of what he could do to me now.
“Oh, now you have a voice? I thought maybe you lost it.” He does that thing he did yesterday, putting an arm to either side of me and closing in so there’s no way to escape. He wouldn’t let me through the door, anyway.
Hatred and cruelty swirl in his green eyes as he snorts. “So tell me, did your mom teach you how to suck dick?”
“You’re disgusting,” I whisper. It’s a shaky whisper, but I manage to hide how scared I really am. I can’t pretend I feel otherwise. He could do anything to me in here. His eyes gleam with excitement.
“You would know about disgusting, wouldn’t you?” he asks, smirking. “Come on. Don’t act like you’ve never sucked a dick. With that mouth of yours? Maybe you and your mother work together, like a team. You can suck the balls while the old pro handles the shaft.”
I need to get away. I can’t handle this. I can’t hear anything but his voice or see anything but those hateful eyes. The musky smell of his cologne is enough to choke me, but then I can barely breathe, anyway.
“I have an idea.” He laughs softly, lowering one of his hands from next to my head. For one terrible, terrifying second, I’m afraid he’s going to touch me. Hurt me. My body goes stiff. I’m afraid to blink.
Instead, what he does is even scarier. “I told you you would be punished if you crossed me, right? Now is the time for us to start. You’re going to give me a blow job. Show me what your mom taught you.”
“No,” I breathe, but the sound of his zipper going down argues with me. “I won’t.” I shake my head, brown strands of my hair flying in front of my face.
“You don’t have a choice. When are you going to figure that out, little bird?” His nostrils flare and his eyes darken, making my insides turn to ice. “You do what I tell you to do. You don’t make the decisions.”
I can’t help but whimper, which makes him click his tongue. “Don’t worry. I won’t fuck your face too hard. You might choke a little, but it won’t be for long. Otherwise, how would I get an A on that literature project?”
“Stop.” I grit through my teeth, scared if I relax my jaw, it will start to shake. I steel my spine, determined not to let him see how scared I really am.
“Not until I come all over your face,” he whispers. “Or maybe your hair. It’s a lot of hair to cover, but I’ll do my best. Then you get to wear me all during your next class.”
His cruel smile goes hard before he mutters, “Now, get on your knees and start sucking. Make it good.”
He means it. He’s going to make me do this. I would scream, but I can’t pull in enough air. All I can do is fight to blink back tears that roll down my cheeks. Hot and full of shame.
“Oh, yeah,” he whispers with a smile. “Keep crying like that. It’s my favoritepart. So I can look down at you while you’re choking on my cock and see those tears streaming down your cheeks. I might come right now…”
My heart is going to pound out of my chest. His hands cup my shoulders, pushing down, and oh, my god, he’s going to make me do this. This is happening. “Stop!” I scream, fighting against him and failing.
He steps back so fast. I lose my balance and fall forward. Somehow, I catch myself on my palms while he laughs. “Are you fucking serious?” he asks before laughing again. The sound explodes in the room, bouncing off the walls and floor. “Like I would let you anywhere near my dick with your teeth.”
It was all a joke. Another way for him to torture me.
I don’t care. I only know I can get away now. I jump to my feet and throw the door open before bolting out into the crowded lounge where people are sitting around studying, talking, waiting for class. I’ve never been so glad to see them.
Until the door opens behind me. “Just like I thought,” Briggs calls out with a satisfied sigh. Heads turn, conversation quiets. “She sucks dick like a pro. That was just what I needed.”
I look behind me as the laughter starts up and see Briggs zipping up his jeans. My face is on fire and the tears are flowing again before I know it. I can’t win, no matter what I do. All that matters is what he tells the sheep who look up to him.
Somehow, I turn and break through the clusters of people standing around, laughing at me. What did I ever do to any of them? Briggs is bad enough, but why do they get off on my humiliation? Aren’t we all supposed to be too old for this? Thankfully, there’s another bathroom closer to class, and I duck in to splash my face and wash my hands before heading to class and taking my seat in the back row, close to the door.
I don’t know why I bothered showing up here at all after what happened back there. How am I supposed to concentrate on anything when I’m still trembling? I can smell his cologne on me, or maybe my brain won’t let me forget the smell. Either way, it’s making me sick, taking me back to that moment. Being helpless.
It’s useless, sitting here and trying to pay attention. One thing that always calms me down and clears my head is drawing. It’s part of the reason I was doing it last night, when Buck kept me up. I was hoping to lull myself to sleep, and it’s easier to do that when I’m feeling peaceful and relaxed.
It starts to work, too, as I loosen up. As usual, once I get out of my head, my hand takes over. I can focus on the work and not the pain.
